Mid Autumn Parting - 中秋辭別

  

 

Thursday, September 15, 2011, 2am – 5:30am

Mid Autumn Parting – 中秋辭別

Mid Autumn Festival was only three days ago. There we were on that night when the moon was brightest, seven long time friends ate dessert after a splendid dinner. One was parting way with the gang - back to Hong Kong he must return. His long road in getting the US green card had been cut short. His work visa was rejected by Immigration. We were sad but could do nothing; only to enjoy this idle night of these seven musketeers being together. Bottles of good wine were opened but only Coke for me. Not a sip do I partake in life. This is good since driving under influence is illegal in here. Hence I am always the designated driver for my drinking buddies. To lighten the mood, our host suggested that we should imitate the past with a poetry composition while having a drinking bout. Indeed a very appropriate for the occasion. Since I am sober and the weakest in Chinese, I was given the honour to set the theme. They claimed better thinking when drunk! A scholar I am not and so I decided on the rules – common theme and an opening line. Since there were only seven of us, it would be cumbersome to come up with a different line one after another (Classical Chinese poetry demands a stanza of four lines). In the end, I suggested “明月照池塘” - Brightly the moon shines over the pond. On hindsight, it would be better to have a seven character format instead of five to represent each one of us.

My friends laughed at my humour and imagination. You see, there was no pond anywhere in sight but a modern swimming pool! I retorted that in their drunken stupor they can transform the pool into a pond and the heavy smell of chlorine into lotus fragrance! With this, an idea stepped into my mind. After a few more drinks were exchanged I began,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
蓮香八里長. Lotus fragrance wafting eight miles long.
酒盡人未醉, Gone is the wine but sober still we are,
離別太匆匆! Alas, too hurriedly we part!

My host gave out a hearty laugh, complaining that it was always easy for the starter! A few more glasses later, he began reciting,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
花影踏漣渏. Flower shadows tiptoeing over ripples.
只知今夜醉, Getting drunk tonight is what we know,
不曉明日離. Nary a care for tomorrow’s parting!

Once more, I was outshone by his superiority in the Chinese language and wonderful rhyming tones in Cantonese. Not too long, another chimed in with his more upbeat version,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
螢火點花心, Fireflies lighting up flowers like little bulbs.
今宵吐別情, Tonight we exchange goodbyes,
明朝談重逢! Tomorrow we’ll talk of reunion!

“花心" flower heart can also mean the heart of the fire burning in a candle etc. This is because of wicks bursting out like a flower caused by the flame and heat. I never cease to be amazed by the literary cleverness of my friends. Not to be outshone, another already had one on his lips,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
荷葉接水天, Lotus leaves receiving the watery sky.
交杯說真言, Exchanging our cups we speak of truths,
不知何日回. Not knowing when you will return.

I was enjoying the literary exchange immensely. Though our poetry talents were not of great caliber, still it was great delight to us all in this mid autumn night of revelry. I felt lucky to friends to be these drinking buddies even though I am the sober one. Soon another chimed in his version,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
沉魚別天顏, The fish descending to bid Heaven adieu,
歌舞酒未滿. Song and dance, our cups not yet full,
恍然夢一談. Suddenly our conversation is like a dream.

How appropriate the sentiments were expressed. I have much to learn from my friends in their rapidity in coming up with such vivid imagery and rhyming lines. After another short lull as glasses clinked and praises floated around, uttered next were the lines,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
落葉點天庭. Falling leaves touching the celestial courtyard.
宴席須會散, All banquets must come to an end,
友誼永不殘! Friendship will never wither!

Finally we all looked at our soon to be departing friend. As if for a dramatic pause, he lifted up his glass, had a sip and looked at us mournfully for awhile. We saw genuine sullenness on his face. Given the circumstances, there was nothing out of the ordinary. To lighten his mood, we jabbed at him for some ribaldry as his Chinese is by far better than the rest of us combined. He was a fine arts major, able to write a mean hand of Chinese calligraphy and of course a talented artist in Chinese traditional painting; skilled in western oils and an appraiser of art. However, his skills were deemed not crucial by Immigration like certified public tax accountants, lawyers, researchers or software engineers. Finally after much hewing and hawing, he finally came up with this,

明月照池塘, Brightly the moon shines over the pond,
微風送梅香. Plum blossoms perfuming the breeze.
瓊酒金杯合, Exquisite wine matches the golden goblets,
裙飛玉環響! Skirts in dance, tintinnabulation go the jade bracelets!

We all ribbed at him as his poem did not match the theme of the occasion. It is still now mid autumn and not winter yet (plum blossoms signify winter). Why didn’t he use the word ” 花" (flower) or even "秋" (autumn) instead? It would be better in rhyming and be in the correct season too. We chided that he was too drunk to be in charge of his faculties. Not only this, they were no dancing girls around and neither was there any golden goblet to drink from! For these flaws, he was ordered to drink more wine!

I have to work the next day, this party of seven ended too soon for my taste. As I drove the drunken revelers home, my friend was quiet; staring out into the sky as if in contemplation. A thousand words hung in his heart but none uttered. I dismissed his pensive mood for having to leave Los Angeles soon; his home of ten years. However my mind gave me no rest. I sensed something was not quite right and yet I could not put a finger on it.

Tonight as I was sleeping, I had a sudden realization. I got up; wrote his poem on paper and there was the clue winking at me. Crouched in the poem were hidden allusions that were not apparent at the first glance. It was from his last line! So obvious on paper!

“Yu Huan” (“玉環”, jade bracelet) was also the name for Yang Gui Fei of the T’ang Dynasty. For those who are not familiar with Chinese history, she was the beautiful imperial concubine that brought down the Dynasty with her petticoat! For more information, google her name.

With this key, I was able to unlock the poem quickly. Despite being prided myself as the witty one of the group, what an idiot I was not to detect such a gem that he had craftily hidden! “明月照池塘“ (Brightly the moon shines over the pond), translated character by character is “bright/illustrious moon shines pond pool”. The T’ang Emperor, Hsuan Tsung was also known as the Illustrious Emperor (明皇). Before being brought into the imperial harem, Lady Yang, his daughter-in-law was made a nun for proprietary reasons. Her Buddhist title was “Grand Reality” (太真), a euphemism for the moon. Thus the first line may be interpreted as “Emperor Ming and Yang Gui Fei were at their peak of their power shining all over the empire”. How intriguing!

For history buffs, the clue in the next line, “微風送梅香”(Gentle breeze send/receive plum-blossom fragrance) is now clear to me. The Emperor’s earlier favourite was the slender “梅妃, Mei Fei” (Plum Blossom Concubine, so entitled by the Emperor for her love of plum blossoms). The character “送” has two meanings, “send away respectfully” (送去) or “presented” (送來). When the Emperor found his new toy, the displaced concubine was sent to the “Cold Palace” (冷宮) from the eyes of the new lovers. Hence I can infer that the gentle breeze meant some low ranking eunuch.

In the third line, I am projecting into some ribaldry. The rigid golden goblet stood for the Emperor while the wine represented his new delight. My reasoning is that “合“(match, combine) is short for “合歡” or “pleasure in union”. So I guessed my friend’s mastery in ribaldry had escaped us that night. Pity! We all could have a good laugh.

Finally for the last line, “skirt flying jade bracelet ring (make a sound)”, instead of more ribaldry, I opted for a tamer version of Yang Gui Fei dancing to the tune of the “Feathered Rainbow Skirt” (霓裳羽衣曲).

We had underestimated the genius of our friend! He was trying to tell us that his relationship with his girl friend had ended. No wonder he insisted on spending the festive night with us instead. In the end, his poem was of parting too, though not of the same kind; losing his love not of his own doing.

This is the modern swimming pool I was talking about.

Mid Autumn Festival 2011 - 中秋節

    

The Mid Autumn Festival is coming soon (12 Sep 2011). I have a dessert party to go. Not only everyone is expected to bring a dessert, not necessary moon cakes, all must bring a poem along for later recitation at the poolside - whether it is a dirty limerick or not, it must be of your own composition. It matters not if it’s in English or not. Yes, it is also a pool party. Southern Californian weather permits such activities at this time of the year! Anyway, here’s what I had composed,


月到中秋分外明, Brighter still is the moon when it is in mid autumn,
漫舞歌樂池邊庭. In song, in music, unrestrained dancing by the courtyard pool,
玉液瓊酒雖真貴, Exquisite and rare are the elixir of liquor,
不勝身傍良友情. Rarer still are the friendships beside me.

Canton's #1 Scholar - Chapter 6 - Heaven's Gate - Flung Wide Open For All To See!

   
Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Ah Chui continued,

“Why should I lie? When the Governor General heard my answer, not only did he praise me, he also said that upon returning to the Yamen, he would send for his soldiers for your arrest!”

The monks thought that the words were true and exclaimed,

“Waa! This time you have done us the most harm. Good words you don’t say but bad ones you spill. You have thrown a doozy at us!”

Ah Chui retorted,

“Who asked you baldies to bully me all the time? Today is the day for revenge.”

With those words, Ah Chui quickly left for home with the fifty taels of silver in hand. Let the truth be known - along the front of West Zen temple are households and orchards from which some of the monks steal pigs, dogs and vegetables. No wonder they trembled in fright upon hearing these words.

Now Mrs. Lun had never seen so much money in her life and her eyes immediately looked at her son for explanation. As she heard his story being unfurled, her smiles were so big with glee that only her teeth and not her eyes could be seen. A slight tremor was felt as she jumped up and down with joy! This ruckus alerted the gossipy women in the neighbourhood. These so-called ‘Three Ladies and Six Hags”1 came to see what was happening. In one voice from different mouths, they cried out at once,

“We are so glad and happy for you.  Such an intelligent son!”

Eighth Aunt (Ah Chui’s mother) was very proud of her son but at the same time she lamented that ever since Ah Chui’s father had passed away they did not have any chicken for dinner. So she decided to cook one that night to give thanks to the ancestors. Of course everyone was invited to the evening feast and drinks. After the celebration, Eighth Aunt began thinking about Ah Chui’s future. It would not be good for her son to be without any formal education. With all this money she could now talk to a certain Mr. Ho to see if this experienced teacher would take Ah Chui as his student. This Mr. Ho was a learned man but not a scholar. Due to adverse fate and circumstances, he was unable to attain a green collar2 even though he spent all his time in study and his hairs had turned white. He became disheartened and no longer wished to seek glory through the imperial exams. He would rather fulfill the human desire to become a teacher3. He settled in Blessed Earth Lane and opened a school4. Neighbours knew of his great learning and because he was a stern teacher many sent their sons to be under his tutelage. Soon Mr. Ho unwittingly became a baboon troupe leader, able to sit on a tiger’s skin chair5 and be a south-facing monarch6 even though teaching them was not an easy job.

Ever since Ah Chui entered his school, Teacher Ho had observed that the boy was very intelligent though very mischievous. However the teacher was more than happy to teach his pupil and on his part, Ah Chui studied hard. Within half a year’s time, he made such great progress that he was almost as good as the teacher himself. One day, being his usual self, Ah Chui hopped, skipped and jumped his way back home from school for lunch and headed straight into his mother’s room to greet her. Unexpectedly, right at this moment, Eighth Aunt was changing into her trousers7 and was about to tell him not to enter… Too late! Ah Chui had already barged in to hug his mother. In her haste to return the hug from her son, she forgot to hold onto her trousers… Down they came, tumbling to her ankles. Even the hole whence Ah Chui came from was clearly seen by all!

Though they are mother and son and he was only seven years old, Eighth Aunt was still a woman at heart and gasped a loud “choy”8. Unexpectedly, still at a tender age, Ah Chui understood such inappropriate situations. To leave some dignity for his mother, he actually began reciting a poem right then and there! Do you know what sort of poem did he recite? Well, he hummed aloud to her,

Teacher let school out, back to home: Here I come.
Only to see Heaven’s gate flung wide open.
From time immemorial, whence Emperors came,
So too will the Number One Scholar, Two and Three!

The moment Eight Aunt heard his words, her shame immediately turned to joy. Even though she was no poet, she could still understand a word here and a word there. Such sweet and yet funny were the words that she could not help herself but burst out a hearty laugh. Although she could not directly praise her son, joy was brimming out from her heart. Alas, this poem that made a mother so happy, was also the cause that a life was almost lost.

Notes:

1. 三姑 : 尼姑 (Buddhist nun), 道姑(Taoist Nun) and 卦姑 (a female fortune teller)

六婆:

牙婆 (tooth hag, a go-between for handling transactions),
媒婆 (match maker)
師婆(female shaman, dispensing charms, amulets etc),
虔婆 (mama san, a procuress)
药婆 (female herbal dispenser) and
稳婆 (midwife).

Since these women were from all walks of life and had daily dealings with the general populace, they knew every bit of minutia and tended to be gossipy.

2. A green collar, a distinguishing mark of being a scholar, i.e. having passed the imperial exams.

3. This phrase came from Mencius. See Note 6 of the Cantonese section.

4. The original text used was “Confucius Sayings Place”

5. 皋比 is a chair covered with tiger’s skin. A chair of importance where generals sat.

6. Chinese emperors sit facing south because that direction is considered auspicious. This may be due to the geography of China where the south has a milder climate, more fertile plains etc.

7. More like pantaloons. Remember they are poor folks and so women do not wear skirts as they are too cumbersome for daily chores.

8. An exclamation to something inappropriate, or an expletive not quite unlike the ‘Egad’, “gracious me” etc. This exclamation was usually used by uneducated women in the old days.

Original Text

六睇見天門大打開

亞敘曰:

“呃你乎? 巡撫大人聞得我呢句對之後, 除佐讚我好野之外, 重話返到衙門, 必定派兵拉你地添!” 眾和尚信以為真, 個個曰:

“嘩, 今回俾你害得慘矣! 乜你好嗡唔嗡, 撚1單敢(咁)野”

亞敘曰:

“鬼叫你班禿奴, 週時欺負我, 今日報仇咁報也”

說完, 一向関(班)人, 捧住五十両銀, 飛跑回家, 原來西禪寺前, 有幾間民房, 亦有菓圃幾個, 西禪寺不肖僧人, 果然有偷猪偷狗偷芥菜行為, 早已坊人側耳, 今被倫文敘一語道破, 無怪眾和尚皆為之發茅也, 亞敘捧住五十両銀,回家, 話俾八嫂知, 八嫂成世人, 未見過大拿拿五十両銀咁多, 當堂雙眼為之發擒青2, 問亞敘去邊處得來, 亞敍乃將經過情形, 一五一十說與八嫂知, 笑到八嫂有牙冇眼, 跳起三丈幾高, 地都震埋, 早已驚動隔鄰一班三姑六婆安人大娘, 齊來觀看, 異口同聲, 都說:

“八嫂, 今回戥3你安樂咯! 生得個咁叻4嘅仔!”

八嫂亦歡天喜地, 話自從亞敘老豆過身到如今, 未曾(層)食過一件雞肉, 今晚都要劏雞拜吓祖先, 請大眾飲番杯矣, 一番高興之後, 八嫂既有錢, 認為無正式老師, 終非辦法, 乃帶阿敍去一位姓何的老師宿儒入學, 呢位何老師, 是個不第秀才, 文學甚好, 只因時乖命蹇, 屢困塲屋, 讀書讀到乜野毛都白晒, 無非撈個青一衿5因此心灰意冷, 不求進取, 就在福地巷附近, 開間子曰館, 做起人之患來6, 附近的人, 知道何老師好文才, 管教又嚴, 紛紛送其子來就讀, 所以何老師這個猢猻王, 倒能坐擁皋比, 真個南面王之不易, 自從阿敘入學後, 何老師見阿敘雖頑皮, 却聰明伶俐, 於是特別用心教之, 阿敍亦努力學習, 讀得半年, 文思更加大進, 幾乎有青出於藍之勢矣, 一日, 阿敍放宴(晏) 7晝學, 回家食飯, 阿敘行路照例連跳帶跑的, 返到家中, 两步跳入八嫂房中, 想叫聲阿媽! 不料此時八嫂正在房中換緊褲, 想嗌阿敘咪入來住! 但阿敘經已入左嚟, 攬到八嫂抽褲唔切, 當堂連生阿敘出來個處都俾阿敘睇見, 雖然八嫂同阿敘係兩仔乸, 而且阿敍年紀只七歲大, 但女人即係女人, 照例未免釆(啋)8 一聲, 不料阿敍人仔細細, 早已懂得好多野, 為要留回阿媽的面子, 居然就地吟起一首詩來, 你估個首詩點話去? 佢話

先生放學我回來,
睇見天門大打開.
自古皇帝從此出,
探花榜眼狀元來!

八嫂聞言不覺化羞為喜, 八嫂雖然唔識吟詩, 但亦曉聽幾句, 聽見阿敍呢首詩咁好, 亦為之大笑起來, 雖然唔敢當面誇讚個仔, 但個心則歡喜之極矣, 不料因為阿敍吟呢首詩引起八嫂歡喜, 幾乎弄出一條命案.

Cantonese Notes:

1. To handle. Here it is means to “play a trick” or 撚化 means “to trick”

2. Hurriedly. 趕不及的样子. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSALH_Q8azY

3. 戥 means “for you” as in, 戥你歡喜 – (We are) happy for you. For a more traditional meaning see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUppFYcuui8

4. Clever, smart http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTIwMDI0OTYw.html

5. 未青一衿〞就是說連個秀才都没有中過。還是普通百姓的身份。

6. 人之患則是出於孟子。孟子說: 「人之患，在好為人師」，意思即是指人最大的弊病是喜歡當别人的老師、以“人師”的傲態自居。 所以〝人之患〞便是說人最大的弊病或問題的意思。所以撈個青一衿便是想求得一官半職的意思！

7. Lunch

8. See general Note 8 above

Canton's Number 1 Scholar: Chapter 5 - A Couplet That Shook The Hall

 
Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

The Inspector General then asked,

“If you have studied, do you know how to match couplets?”

Ah Chui replied,

“I know a thing or two about them.”

The Inspector General continued,

“Well then This Official shall now pose ye a head couplet… match it well and your crime shall be pardoned else ye shall be brought before the yamen1 for further interrogation!”

Ah Chui proudly answered,

“How can I refuse His Excellency’s command? Please go ahead.”

What a smarty pants this little brat was! The bystanders thought. Obviously this kid is going to get shit on himself. Anyway the Inspector General began,

“Three August Buddhas2, one sitting on a dragon fish3, one sitting on an elephant and one sitting on a lotus blossom.”

Even as the words were spoken, the Inspector General was concerned that Ah Chui may not understand what was recited and almost had ordered a nearby secretary to write out the words for Ah Chui to see. However Ah Chui was not abashful4 at all and he quickly answered without hesitation,

“One poor scholar soon-no-longer-shall-he-be when he hitches5 the dragon, hitches the phoenix and hitches the vermillion Osmanthus Hall6”

Everyone was startled into momentary silence when the words were uttered. Then a great roar of hurrah rose. Not only the rules of couplet composition matched in perfect unison, the meaning of Ah Chui’s reply was lofty and ambitious. The Inspector General, Wu Sum clapped his hands furiously in applause and asked,

“Wonderful, wonderful! Who’s your teacher?”

“This little one had lost his father, our family is poor and my mother eked out a living by sewing. We have no money for formal education; just relying upon the kindness of the abbot of the West Zen Temple; teaching me whenever he is available.”

The Inspector General commented,

“Ah so, such a tender age and so diligent in your studies... Today this Official shall bestow a special award on you. Fifty taels of silver for any fright you may have suffered. From now on you must even study harder. As for any expense needed for your studies, go to the accounts department and just ask for it.”

Lun Mun Chui was elated, thanking his Lordship profusely. At the same time the Inspector General heaped praises upon praises to “Universal Illumination” for being such a great teacher. Needless to say, much donation was signed for incense and oils7. With that, the Inspector General returned to his yamen. Need no more elaboration on how the old abbot and Ah Chui respectfully saw the Inspector General off but turning to Ah Chui carrying his fifty taels of silver. Smiling away as he hopped skipped and jumped out of the temple.

Already there was a group of monks gathered blocking his path. These monks bore hated for Ah Chui and were gleeful when they saw Ah Chui was tied up by the guardsmen and dragged to his Lordship. This time Ah Chui will surely become a termite on the beach - even if he survives, shit will be on his face8. But To their horror when they saw Ah Chui was released on the orders of the Inspector General and a couplet match began. They were very curious at the events being unfurled and wanted to go nearer to see what was happening. However, being afraid of the guardsmen, all they could do was to stand at a distance and stare. Finally when the Inspector General praised Ah Chui and awarded him fifty taels of silver, contradiction filled their hearts as envy and admiration mingled and raged against each other. They simply had to stop Ah Chui from walking out of the temple gates and get to the bottom of things. Pulling him aside, they interrogated,

“Warty Lun, just then, why did his Lordship, the Inspector General award you fifty taels of silver?”

Ah Chui sneeringly replied,

“That’s because I matched his couplet. Bad ain’t it? You salivating baldies9!”

The monks asked what kind of couplet it was. Ah Chui replied,

“Three August Buddhas, one sitting on a dragon fish, one sitting on an elephant and one sitting on a lotus blossom.”

The monks continued their questioning,

“How did you match it?”

Ah Chui thought to himself,

“Ought-to-die10-baldies, always bully me at every chance you get. A trick I shall now play on you all!”

“My couplet has a lot to do with you all. If I say it out, every on of you will shit in your pants!”

The monks were greatly startled and asked quickly what it has to do with them. Ah Chui replied,

“Listen carefully! My reply to his Lordship was, ‘Some shaven baldies, steal pigs, steal dogs, steal mustard greens.11”

Fear crept into them as they heard the words; so frightened as if their souls had dissipated into thin air. With a great urgency, they continued interrogating,

“Hey Warty Lun, did you really match the couplet like that?”

Thursday, May 10, 2011, 31 May 2011

NOTES

1. Yamen is the courthouse where people appear before a magistrate. This is where the similarity ends. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yamen

2. Sakyamuni , Manjusri (文殊, Wenshu) and Kuanyin. Others opined that the three Buddhas are manifestations of past present and future.

3. Or a dragon turtle. Purported to be one of the nine sons of the Dragon King.

4. In Chinese custom, one should hesitate for awhile so as not to show one’s haughtiness or pride when showing one’s skills and talents.

5. The original Chinese word means “to climb up the social ladder with help from the powerful etc”. To use the words, “ascend” or “mount” or “to ride” or to “attain” will be considered as treasonous words - aspiring to become the emperor himself since the dragon and phoenix are imperial symbols.

6. An Osmanthus Hall can mean a grand hall, the lunar palace and the homes of the scholarly elite. In this context, the 3rd meaning applies. The line means is that with one’s great scholarship, there will be rich and powerful people help to lift him from obscurity.

7. For convenience, no one carries large sums of money (remember in those days, they carry ingots of silver!). The donor signs for the amount and the monks will go at a later date to collect the money.

8. A Cantonese saying, “Termites on the beach, even if they survived, their entire bodies will be so badly battered [by the waves]”. Termites cannot survive out of their temperature controlled environment. Therefore in the harsh climatic conditions of the beach, the termites will surely die. Even if they survived, they will be in real bad conditions.

9. The original text used was “bald slaves”.

10. Dead is a taboo word for the Cantonese and hence they love to use it as an expletive or an adjective for cussing etc. For example, “死仔!” does not to mean a dead boy but a boy who should have died; almost equivalent to the English slang for “you’re a dead duck now!”

11. Brassica juncea, a Chinese vegetable.

Original Text

五一句對聯驚四座

巡撫曰:

“你極努力讀書, 會對對否?”

亞敘曰:

“畧懂一二.”

巡撫曰:

“本官今日出一句俾你對, 如果對得通, 則恕你無罪, 如果對不通, 必定拿回衙門重辦!”

亞敘傲然應曰:

“大人有命, 敢不依從, 請大人出之.”

門在旁各人, 見亞敘居然咁牙擦1, 心話你兒細路, 攞2嚟賤矣, 巡撫便出一句上聯曰:

“三尊佛, 坐鰲坐象坐蓮花.”

話完, 重慌亞敍唔識, 正想命一個長隨寫起, 以便俾亞敘睇, 不料亞敘不假思索, 立即隨口應曰:

“一介寒儒, 攀龍攀鳳攀丹桂”

語出, 四座皆驚, 大嘆好野, 話不特對得快捷工整, 而且小小年紀, 居然有此豪壯語氣, 咪話唔架勢堂矣. 巡撫大人吳琛, 亦當堂為之拍爛手掌, 大讚好野好野, 即問亞敘老師, 究竟何人? 亞敍曰:

“小子因為自小失怙, 家道貧窮, 母親以女紅度日, 無錢正式供讀, 只靠西禪寺老和尚普照, 閒時教我而已.”

巡撫大人曰:

“原來如此, 睇唔出你小小年紀, 竟然如此苦心攻讀, 本官今日特別嘉獎五十兩銀俾你, 以助膏火, 此後該加緊努力, 如有所需, 可去衙門同賬房支取應用也.”

倫文敍歡天喜地, 千多謝萬多謝, 巡撫又嘉樊普照老和尚一番, 謂其授徒有方, 唔再講, 簽其香油亦淋的筆矣. 巡撫大人遂命駕回衙, 普照老和尚及倫文敍恭送而出不提. 且說亞敘拈住五十両銀, 笑口吟吟, 行出西禪寺門口, 早有一班和尚截住, 呢班和尚, 向來都憎亞敘的, 初是見亞敘被眾衛士綁去見巡撫, 遂以為亞敘今次定必白蟮上沙灘, 唔死一身潺, 心涼之至. 但其後忽又見巡撫命觧其縛, 居然同對起對來, 不禁大以為奇, 欲上前觀看究竟, 但又恐怕被巡撫的衛士阻止, 唯有離遠而觀. 最後竟見巡撫大讚亞敘, 又賞以五十両銀, 眾和尚一時妒羨交併, 亞敘出到寺門口, 乃攔住亞敘問曰:

“癩倫, 頃間巡撫大人, 為乜事打賞五十両銀俾你乎?”

阿倫傲然應曰:

“皆因為我對通佢一句對, 你班禿奴, 唔恨(痕)得咁多矣!”

眾和尚問, 究竟乜野對? 阿敘曰:

“三尊寶佛, 坐鰲坐象坐蓮花”

眾和尚又問:

“然則你如何對之?”

阿敘心想, 你班死禿, 平日時常欺負我, 好! 撚吓你至得! 乃曰:

“我呢句對, 與你地大有關係, 講出便嚇壞你地矣!”

眾和尚愕然, 急問點樣関係法, 阿敍曰:

“聽住! 我對曰:’ 幾個禿奴, 偷猪偷狗偷芥菜.’”

語出, 嚇得眾和尚魂飛魄散, 急曰:

“喂! 癩倫, 你真係噉對法?”

Cantonese Notes

1. Brushing one’s teeth – to brag. The word “to brush” can also mean to polish as in polishing off one’s plate. Therefore “to be able polish” - 擦得” means to be able to eat heartily with great gusto and relish.

2. Cantonese for “to take or to grab”, 給, 拿 etc.

3. 潺 means weak, frail in Cantonese.

What If I Have 3 Days Left In My Life?

   
This is from sipatai whose piece I had corrected. It was such a beautiful piece that I have to appropriate for all my friends to see. This is an example of creative writing not quite yet to a poem level. The original link is


http://www.italki.com/notebook/entry/83079.htm#ST

The Prophet, Muhammad, may blessings and Peace be upon him (sallallah alayhi wassalam) sayeth:

"When the morning comes unto thee, expect not the evening. And when the night cometh, expect not the morning!"

If I have but only 3 days in my life... Yes, only 3 days... The first day is yesterday that had forsaken me. The second day is tomorrow that is the time yet to come. The last day is today that I have. The only day that I have with me is today that is right beside me. I will do my best for today as there is no such thing as tomorrow. Yesterday is like but dust from burnt paper. It means nothing.

Grieve not for things we lost yesterday. Better to appreciate whatever we have for today. Sadness gnawing at our faces, like worms eating at an apple. Sadness age us day by day while smiles in our faces are more beautiful than any flower blooming in the morning dew.

Let light be in thy faces and smiles to light our lives.

Canton Number 1 Scholar - Chapter 4 - Mistaken For An Assassin

 

Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Canton’s Number One Scholar

Chapter 4 – A Kid Mistaken For An Assassin

A few of the monks shouted,

“Hey Warty Lun, His Lord Inspector General is coming for prayers. Why are you still here? Be wary of being caught by soldiers. When this happens don’t blame us for not warning you!”

Ah Chui retorted,

“What’s this called Inspector General? Is it edible? He’s a human, I’m a human so why the need to avoid him? ”

The monks on seeing his recalcitrant ways did not have the energy to spar with him and went on with their own work. Whoa! Suddenly bang bang came the beating of ten gongs or so. With that the Inspector General arrived. Along with his toadies, counselors and advisors, the sedan chair surfed to the very doors of the temple. “Universal Illumination” and all the rest of the monks and priests all came out respectfully to welcome his Lordship with a few moments of observed silence1. All the imps fled hurriedly except for Ah Chui who had no time to do so. Barely did he hide himself under the altar just as the Inspector General came waltzing into the Mahavira Hall. The old abbot and a few on duty priests bade obeisance to his Lordship. His Lordship Wu earnestly clasped some joss sticks and offered incense to Buddha. Soon smoke began to waft and gongs went a beating in unison. His Lordship Wu knelt on the bulrush mat and like an onion head began bobbing up and down in prayers. Nothing more than just a prayer for harmonious rain2, peace in the country, general welfare for the people and such. During his bobbing of up and down, from the corner of his eye he suddenly espied a dark shadow squirming under the altar…

His lordship gave out a cry of “Ai yah” and a shudder came over him. He quickly got up and ran. Those in attendance and the guards were puzzled for a second and when they recovered they quickly surrounded the Inspector General in protection asking what the matter was. The Inspector General pointed at the foot of the altar and stammered,

“Quick, quick, quickly get… get the assassin…”

Everyone was shocked when they heard there was an assassin under the altar and exclaimed,

“Outrageous! Absolutely disgraceful!”

The guardsman quickly drew out their swords and congregated around the table and shouted,

“Don’t move, you brazen robber!”

With that one sword flipped up the covering of the altar and there it was -- there was someone lying in there. One brave guardsman tunneled himself under the altar and with his hand and made a grab for the person and pulled him out. People were aghast when what they saw was a little boy of eight or nine years of age. Whatever the case may be, tie him up first! One ferocious looking guardsman began tying up Ah Chui like a crab and shouted,

“You little thief with such a gall made of sand, daring to assassinate his Inspector General Lordship. I think you have lived too long!”

Poor Ah Chui, injustice with nowhere to complain and under the shoveling of the guard, he was brought before the Inspector General to await further orders. In the meantime, the General Inspector went ballistic and chided till the face of “Universal Illumination” looked like shit. Knowing how he had been wrong, he dared not utter a single word in his defence. All he could do was to offer profuse apologies. When the guardsman came up with Ah Chui, the General Inspector asked where the assassin was. The guardsmen pointed at Ah Chui and replied,

“This is the one!”

When the General Inspector took a look at Chui, there it was puny and small like dice, a big-headed strange looking creature. At once his Lordship was stunned and like his station, all he could do was to shout,

“You little thing, what’s your name? Where do you live? How dare you plan to assassinateme?”

Ah Chui showed no fear and told his name and explained,

“I was playing at the temple when his Lordship came for prayers. This nothingness was not able to avoid his Lordship and therefore was forced to hide under the altar. I dare not lie and I beg his Lordship for forgiveness.”

The Inspector General saw how young Ah Chui was and knew he was no assassin. At the same time after listening to his polite reply, much of his anger had dissipated into thin air and he asked,

“You little imp, have you an education before?”

Ah Chui replied,

“Although my family is poor, I studied hard.”

Notes:

1. A few moments of absolute silence is observed whenever a dignitary comes a calling.

2. Gentle rain for the crops is utmost importance in an agricultural society of China.

3. There are many ways of crab tying to prevent the crab from crawling and preventing a nip from the claws. However I could not find a photo of the way I see using a bulrush straw to tie up the pincers and legs and with a handle to carry at the same time.

 

 

Original Text

四執着竇窿1疑刺客

有幾個和尚便喝之曰:

“癩倫, 巡撫大人來拜神, 你重2唔走乎? 顧住被的兵捉住你, 到個陣咪話唔通知也.”

亞敘曰:

“乜野3叫做巡撫, 食唔食得的? 佢又係人, 我有係人, 駛4乜避佢乎?”

和尚見佢唔聽話, 亦冇佢咁好氣, 自己做自己的事, 俄5, 忽然聞砰砰聲十下頭鑼鼓响, 巡撫大人在一班師爺長隨簇擁之下, 已乘轎來到西禪寺, 寺中普照老和尚及各僧, 一齊敬謹迎接, 一時肅靜迥避, 與亞敍同來之細路, 早已走夾唔抖6, 亞敘走避不及, 惟有匿在神枱底下, 亞敍甫在神枱下藏身, 而巡撫吳大人已步入大雄寳殿, 當由老和尚普照及一班職事僧人, 為之贊禮, 吳大人十分虔誠, 親手向三寶佛爺座前上香, 一時香烟繚繞, 鐘鼓齊鳴, 吳大人就跪在蒲團之上, 叩如搗蒜, 口中如祈願, 無非風調雨順, 國泰民安之類, 不期正在叩頭之際, 眼光無意一觸神枱底, 突見有一黑影一團, 蠕蠕而動, 咤呀一聲, 當堂發茅一樣, 起身便跑, 在傍各僚屬長隨衛士之流, 一時莫明其妙, 連忙團團圍住巡撫大人, 問是何事, 巡撫大人指指神枱底, 口震震曰:

“快快快! 拿拿刺客….”

眾人一聞枱底有刺客, 大吃一驚, 曰:

“這還了得”

眾衛士立即拔刀在手, 一擁至神枱底前, 大喝:

“強徒勿動!”

一刀挑開顧綉枱圍布, 向內一望, 果然有人匿伏在此, 一個衛士奮勇鑽入枱底, 一隻手就將此人執了出來, 眾人一睇, 我挑! 原來係一兒年約八九歲的細路仔, 但冇理佢, 紥起佢先, 個班衛士, 如狼似虎, 便將亞敍扮蟹, 大駡曰:

“你個小賊, 亦算沙胆, 居然敢行刺巡撫大人, 嫌命長都唔定矣!”

亞敘有寃無路訴, 就在眾衛士拉拉扯扯之下, 押到會客廳巡撫大人面前發落, 此時巡撫大人正在大燒枱砲, 駡得普照滿面屁, 普照明知冤枉, 但哪敢分辯, 只有連聲認錯, 旣然押到倫文敘來, 巡撫便問刺客何在? 眾衛士指指倫文敍曰:

“此人便是矣!”

巡撫睇睇倫文敍,蝦, 原來係個一粒色咁大的細路, 頭大如斗, 形容古怪, 當堂為之愕然, 照例喝問曰:

“你這小子, 何姓何名, 何方人氏, 胆敢企圖行刺本官?”

亞敍從容不廹, 便將自己姓名禀上, 并謂頃間在西禪寺玩耍因大人來參神, 小子廻避不及, 迫得匿在神枱底, 實不敢妄作胡為, 請求大人原量. 巡撫見亞敍小小年紀, 早知不是歹人, 又見佢應對得體, 不禁將頃間怒氣, 消去大半, 又問曰:

“你這小子, 讀過書未?”

亞敘曰:

“小子雖然家窮, 却努力讀書之至.”

Cantonese Notes

1. A rascal; something insignificant.

2. Same as 總, still, yet.

3. See Chapter 1 Cantonese Notes #6.

4. The actual meaning is to “to drive” but here its function is like 使 to cause.

5. Just a sound effect like “Wah!”

6. 走夾唔抖–flee/run away so fast that there is no time to rest i.e. Hurriedly. The more common word used is 唞 (to rest)

Number One Scholar Chapter 3 - Excreting Block-Shaped Fecal Matter In the Hall of Mahavira

  

Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Chapter 3 – Excreting Block-Shaped Fecal Matter In the Hall of Mahavira1.

Whether playing hide and seek, throwing stones or whatever pranks Ah Chui could think of, the most deplorable act to the monks was urinatingand defecating inside the temple. The way he did it was especially peculiar. By habit he would shit ferociously like some foul mouth spewing its contents right into the Treasure Collecting Bowl of the Great Hall of Mahavira. The more he did it, the greater the chance of being caught in the act by temple monks. Wah this was sacrilegious! The purity of Buddhist halls was soiled to no end with such foulness and stench! Lun Mun Chui however couldn’t care less and continued with his practice. When he was done, he sped off so fast like a demon that the monks could not catch hold of him.

Once, Ah Chui, on seeing no one was around headed straight into the Mahavira Hall and began his routine under a table, excreting his yellow and white matter in a ferocious manner when two monks caught whiff of the scent and alerted the rest of the monks who quickly surrounded Ah Chui. This way he was grabbed like a frog being weighed on scales2. The monks shouted,

“You rascal! Today is your doomsday. Just feed him with his own creation!”

One singer with a hundred harmonizing all shouting at once, Ah Chui was frightened out of his wits; his soul flew out yonder beyone the heavens; screaming bloody murder. Just right at this danger point, the old abbot, “Universal Illumination” of the temple, appeared and came closer to see what the commotion was about. He saw a little kid screaming away and he quickly inquired what the matter was. The bunch of monks explained that Ah Chui was always shitting in the Mahavira Hall. No matter what, he must be punished. The old Abbot peered at the little boy and a wave of compassion came over him. Quickly he ordered the monks to stand back and said,

“Back off all of you! I shall handle this matter!”

Then he turned to Ah Chui and asked for his name and where he lived. The old monk then asked,

“Did you really shit in the Mahavira Hall?”

Without a trace of fear, Ah Chui answered,

“Yes!”

And pointed his finger at the floor saying,

“This is my pile of shit!”

The old monk was pleased with the honest answer, followed Ah Chui’s finger and looked at the pile of shit. The moment the abbot saw the pile, he was stunned for a moment. This is because that pile of shit did not look like an ordinary pile like everyone else’s. Shit from people is normally either tubular or flat in shape, sometimes perhaps triangular but Ah Chui’s was a pile of rectangular shaped shit. The abbot was amazed and thought to himself,

“Hmmm… does this kid too have rectangular shaped intestines? This is like a breath of fresh air out of ten polluted ones. He must amount to grand nature in the future.”

Therefore he asked Ah Chui if he had ever studied. Ah Chui explained that his family was poor, relying on his mother eking out a living as a seamstress. No ability to send him to school. When the old monk heard his words, pity for Ah Chui welled in him. He told Ah Chui that from this day onwards, everyday he would give lessons personally to Ah Chui at the temple. Ah Chui for his part studied hard and became the apple of the abbot’s eye. The old monk loved the boy dearly and ordered the monks not to give any trouble to Ah Chui. Of course the monks had harbored grudges against Ah Chui before, but now that he had become the abbot’s pet, jealousy and hated within them grew greater and they despised Ah Chui to the core. Having the protection of the abbot, Ah Chui couldn’t care less about them. As usual he would somersaultwith other kids at play as if nothing had happened.

One day the Inspector General of Canton Wu Sum came to the West Zen Temple to offer incense. A large group of security detail came first to make preparations for the visit. Abbot “Universal Illumination” ordered all levels of the monkhood and regular visitors to the temple to prepare for the welcome. At this time, Ah Chui and his band of banshees3 were playing in the temple. Because Ah Chui was born with scale-like skin, he was nicknamed, “Warty Lun”.

Next Chapter: Mistaken For An Assassin!

Notes:

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

1. The main hall of a Buddhist temple where the historical Buddha is enshrined. Mahavira means Great Hero. Great denotes the immeasurable virtues of Buddha while hero means that Buddha is able to vanquish all demons and evil.

2. Cantonese love to eat frogs. They are called euphemistically as the “chicken of the rice paddy fields.” They are sold by weight.

3. See Cantonese note 2

三 大雄寶殿疴四方屎

或捉迷藏或掟石, 無所不為, 令人最討厭者, 則在寺中撒尿撒屎, 佢個鋪疴尿疴屎法, 寧舍疴得’ 啜核’1 每逢疴尿, 照例必在大雄寶殿個聚寶盆上猛疴, 疴得多, 就被寺中的和尚撞到, 嘩, 得了嘅, 佛門清淨, 俾你兒嘩鬼2疴得臭崩崩3, 污辣撻4! 但倫文敘却好小理, 依然一樣疴法, 疴完, 則飛跑而遁, 跑得又快, 個班和尚雖欲捉之, 不可得也. 有次, 亞敘乘人不覺, 又蹲响大雄寶殿一張杳案之下, 猛褪其黄白物, 不料早被两個和尚吼到, 當塲一叫, 四壁齊來, 立時將亞敘捉住, 秤蛤咁秤, 皆曰:

“今回你兒嘩鬼, 重唔死! 冇理佢, 照餵番俾佢食可矣!”

一唱百和, 嚇得亞敘魂飛天外, 鬼殺咁嘈, 正在危急之際, 忽遇西禪寺主持普照老和尚出到來, 見咁多人捉住一兒細路5, 喊打喊殺, 連忙上前問乜事? 個班和尚乃將亞敘時常在大雄寶殿疴屎之經過, 一五一十告之, 并謂此人非加以懲戒不可! 和尚睇睇亞敘, 小小年紀, 不禁動起慈悲之心, 即刻喝退眾和尚, 曰:

“你地行開, 等我處置可也.”

乃問亞敍姓乜名乜, 住在邊忽? 亞敘從容告之, 老和尚曰:

“你究竟有無在大雄寶殿疴屎?”

阿敍不諱, 曰:

“有!”

用手指住地下曰:

“個篤便是我疴者矣!”

老和尚喜其誠實, 欺6, 跟眼睇睇篤屎, 距料一睇之下, 當堂令老和尚為之愕然, 原來亞叙之屎, 與別不同, 別人之屎, 或圓或扁不定, 甚至三角形亦有, 但亞叙之屎, 疴出來却四四方方的, 不禁大以為奇, 心念這兒細路, 莫非的腸亦係四方者? 此乃十濁一清之格, 將來必為大貴人無疑, 於是和尚悅色問亞敘讀過書未? 亞叙乃話, 家中貧窮, 只靠寡母針番度日, 無力供書教學也. 老和尚聞言大憐之, 從此之後, 便日日叫亞敘來西禪寺, 由老和尚教之讀書. 亞敘亦用心學習, 老和尚乃對之鍾愛異常, 吩咐各僧以後不得難為亞敘. 點知其他和尚, 早已憎厭亞敍, 今見老和尚愛亞敘, 不禁妬恨交併, 對亞敘更加憎至入骨入肉, 亞敍則恃有老和尚做護符, 亦好小理, 依然同埋一班細路, 反斗如故焉, 一日, 有廣東巡撫吳琛, 來西禪寺進香, 一班隨衛士, 事先早來西禪寺佈置, 寺中普照老和尚, 亦率領各職級和尚知客之流, 準備迎接巡撫大人, 其時倫文敘適同一班嘩鬼在寺中玩耍, 亞敍因為生得週身亁癩, 汚糟辣撻, 花名叫癩倫.

Cantonese Notes

1. I never heard of this slang term before. From what I found out was the term could mean differently in different circumstances. One explained that the closest English equivalent is “that it is so funny that one is tickled pink”. Another explained that it is uncontrolled laughter and be embarrassed by the situation or their own laughter. Literally the first character mean, “to suck” as in sucking liquid with a straw or to suck up like in a kiss. The second one means “core” as in the fruit core, the core of the matter, nucleus etc. Perhaps the situation is so funny that one’s core is being sucked out by it.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Someone on ITALKI.com told me that it is slang for a rascal with foul mouth. Now it makes sense to me because the movie Rio, the Cantonese dubbed version has it as “啜核鸚鵡” which is a bad ass parrot.

2. The character I think used here is for the sound for “wee” for the common Cantonese expression, “wee 嘩鬼震”–wailing of ghosts that makes one shudder on hearing it. The closest situation is the Irish fear of the sound of the banshee. There is no standard character and therefore commonly written as喂. However this character is pronounced as “wei” as in the word for Cantonese hello on phone conversation.

3. It is very common in Cantonese to add words to make a verb become more lively or colorful. Usually these are sound words or onomatopoeia. Some English examples are chitty chitty bang bang, screechy scratchy.

4. Cantonese phrase meaning dirty. This is not the standard way of writing in Cantonese. It merely uses sounds from other characters. It is commonly written as污糟邋遢.

5. A little kid. For more info see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDdegCbI-J0&feature=related

6. The character means bully but is used here for the sound like the English word, “Hey!”