What If I Have 3 Days Left In My Life?

   
This is from sipatai whose piece I had corrected. It was such a beautiful piece that I have to appropriate for all my friends to see. This is an example of creative writing not quite yet to a poem level. The original link is


http://www.italki.com/notebook/entry/83079.htm#ST

The Prophet, Muhammad, may blessings and Peace be upon him (sallallah alayhi wassalam) sayeth:

"When the morning comes unto thee, expect not the evening. And when the night cometh, expect not the morning!"

If I have but only 3 days in my life... Yes, only 3 days... The first day is yesterday that had forsaken me. The second day is tomorrow that is the time yet to come. The last day is today that I have. The only day that I have with me is today that is right beside me. I will do my best for today as there is no such thing as tomorrow. Yesterday is like but dust from burnt paper. It means nothing.

Grieve not for things we lost yesterday. Better to appreciate whatever we have for today. Sadness gnawing at our faces, like worms eating at an apple. Sadness age us day by day while smiles in our faces are more beautiful than any flower blooming in the morning dew.

Let light be in thy faces and smiles to light our lives.

Canton Number 1 Scholar - Chapter 4 - Mistaken For An Assassin

 

Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Canton’s Number One Scholar

Chapter 4 – A Kid Mistaken For An Assassin

A few of the monks shouted,

“Hey Warty Lun, His Lord Inspector General is coming for prayers. Why are you still here? Be wary of being caught by soldiers. When this happens don’t blame us for not warning you!”

Ah Chui retorted,

“What’s this called Inspector General? Is it edible? He’s a human, I’m a human so why the need to avoid him? ”

The monks on seeing his recalcitrant ways did not have the energy to spar with him and went on with their own work. Whoa! Suddenly bang bang came the beating of ten gongs or so. With that the Inspector General arrived. Along with his toadies, counselors and advisors, the sedan chair surfed to the very doors of the temple. “Universal Illumination” and all the rest of the monks and priests all came out respectfully to welcome his Lordship with a few moments of observed silence1. All the imps fled hurriedly except for Ah Chui who had no time to do so. Barely did he hide himself under the altar just as the Inspector General came waltzing into the Mahavira Hall. The old abbot and a few on duty priests bade obeisance to his Lordship. His Lordship Wu earnestly clasped some joss sticks and offered incense to Buddha. Soon smoke began to waft and gongs went a beating in unison. His Lordship Wu knelt on the bulrush mat and like an onion head began bobbing up and down in prayers. Nothing more than just a prayer for harmonious rain2, peace in the country, general welfare for the people and such. During his bobbing of up and down, from the corner of his eye he suddenly espied a dark shadow squirming under the altar…

His lordship gave out a cry of “Ai yah” and a shudder came over him. He quickly got up and ran. Those in attendance and the guards were puzzled for a second and when they recovered they quickly surrounded the Inspector General in protection asking what the matter was. The Inspector General pointed at the foot of the altar and stammered,

“Quick, quick, quickly get… get the assassin…”

Everyone was shocked when they heard there was an assassin under the altar and exclaimed,

“Outrageous! Absolutely disgraceful!”

The guardsman quickly drew out their swords and congregated around the table and shouted,

“Don’t move, you brazen robber!”

With that one sword flipped up the covering of the altar and there it was -- there was someone lying in there. One brave guardsman tunneled himself under the altar and with his hand and made a grab for the person and pulled him out. People were aghast when what they saw was a little boy of eight or nine years of age. Whatever the case may be, tie him up first! One ferocious looking guardsman began tying up Ah Chui like a crab and shouted,

“You little thief with such a gall made of sand, daring to assassinate his Inspector General Lordship. I think you have lived too long!”

Poor Ah Chui, injustice with nowhere to complain and under the shoveling of the guard, he was brought before the Inspector General to await further orders. In the meantime, the General Inspector went ballistic and chided till the face of “Universal Illumination” looked like shit. Knowing how he had been wrong, he dared not utter a single word in his defence. All he could do was to offer profuse apologies. When the guardsman came up with Ah Chui, the General Inspector asked where the assassin was. The guardsmen pointed at Ah Chui and replied,

“This is the one!”

When the General Inspector took a look at Chui, there it was puny and small like dice, a big-headed strange looking creature. At once his Lordship was stunned and like his station, all he could do was to shout,

“You little thing, what’s your name? Where do you live? How dare you plan to assassinateme?”

Ah Chui showed no fear and told his name and explained,

“I was playing at the temple when his Lordship came for prayers. This nothingness was not able to avoid his Lordship and therefore was forced to hide under the altar. I dare not lie and I beg his Lordship for forgiveness.”

The Inspector General saw how young Ah Chui was and knew he was no assassin. At the same time after listening to his polite reply, much of his anger had dissipated into thin air and he asked,

“You little imp, have you an education before?”

Ah Chui replied,

“Although my family is poor, I studied hard.”

Notes:

1. A few moments of absolute silence is observed whenever a dignitary comes a calling.

2. Gentle rain for the crops is utmost importance in an agricultural society of China.

3. There are many ways of crab tying to prevent the crab from crawling and preventing a nip from the claws. However I could not find a photo of the way I see using a bulrush straw to tie up the pincers and legs and with a handle to carry at the same time.

 

 

Original Text

四執着竇窿1疑刺客

有幾個和尚便喝之曰:

“癩倫, 巡撫大人來拜神, 你重2唔走乎? 顧住被的兵捉住你, 到個陣咪話唔通知也.”

亞敘曰:

“乜野3叫做巡撫, 食唔食得的? 佢又係人, 我有係人, 駛4乜避佢乎?”

和尚見佢唔聽話, 亦冇佢咁好氣, 自己做自己的事, 俄5, 忽然聞砰砰聲十下頭鑼鼓响, 巡撫大人在一班師爺長隨簇擁之下, 已乘轎來到西禪寺, 寺中普照老和尚及各僧, 一齊敬謹迎接, 一時肅靜迥避, 與亞敍同來之細路, 早已走夾唔抖6, 亞敘走避不及, 惟有匿在神枱底下, 亞敍甫在神枱下藏身, 而巡撫吳大人已步入大雄寳殿, 當由老和尚普照及一班職事僧人, 為之贊禮, 吳大人十分虔誠, 親手向三寶佛爺座前上香, 一時香烟繚繞, 鐘鼓齊鳴, 吳大人就跪在蒲團之上, 叩如搗蒜, 口中如祈願, 無非風調雨順, 國泰民安之類, 不期正在叩頭之際, 眼光無意一觸神枱底, 突見有一黑影一團, 蠕蠕而動, 咤呀一聲, 當堂發茅一樣, 起身便跑, 在傍各僚屬長隨衛士之流, 一時莫明其妙, 連忙團團圍住巡撫大人, 問是何事, 巡撫大人指指神枱底, 口震震曰:

“快快快! 拿拿刺客….”

眾人一聞枱底有刺客, 大吃一驚, 曰:

“這還了得”

眾衛士立即拔刀在手, 一擁至神枱底前, 大喝:

“強徒勿動!”

一刀挑開顧綉枱圍布, 向內一望, 果然有人匿伏在此, 一個衛士奮勇鑽入枱底, 一隻手就將此人執了出來, 眾人一睇, 我挑! 原來係一兒年約八九歲的細路仔, 但冇理佢, 紥起佢先, 個班衛士, 如狼似虎, 便將亞敍扮蟹, 大駡曰:

“你個小賊, 亦算沙胆, 居然敢行刺巡撫大人, 嫌命長都唔定矣!”

亞敘有寃無路訴, 就在眾衛士拉拉扯扯之下, 押到會客廳巡撫大人面前發落, 此時巡撫大人正在大燒枱砲, 駡得普照滿面屁, 普照明知冤枉, 但哪敢分辯, 只有連聲認錯, 旣然押到倫文敘來, 巡撫便問刺客何在? 眾衛士指指倫文敍曰:

“此人便是矣!”

巡撫睇睇倫文敍,蝦, 原來係個一粒色咁大的細路, 頭大如斗, 形容古怪, 當堂為之愕然, 照例喝問曰:

“你這小子, 何姓何名, 何方人氏, 胆敢企圖行刺本官?”

亞敍從容不廹, 便將自己姓名禀上, 并謂頃間在西禪寺玩耍因大人來參神, 小子廻避不及, 迫得匿在神枱底, 實不敢妄作胡為, 請求大人原量. 巡撫見亞敍小小年紀, 早知不是歹人, 又見佢應對得體, 不禁將頃間怒氣, 消去大半, 又問曰:

“你這小子, 讀過書未?”

亞敘曰:

“小子雖然家窮, 却努力讀書之至.”

Cantonese Notes

1. A rascal; something insignificant.

2. Same as 總, still, yet.

3. See Chapter 1 Cantonese Notes #6.

4. The actual meaning is to “to drive” but here its function is like 使 to cause.

5. Just a sound effect like “Wah!”

6. 走夾唔抖–flee/run away so fast that there is no time to rest i.e. Hurriedly. The more common word used is 唞 (to rest)

Number One Scholar Chapter 3 - Excreting Block-Shaped Fecal Matter In the Hall of Mahavira

  

Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Chapter 3 – Excreting Block-Shaped Fecal Matter In the Hall of Mahavira1.

Whether playing hide and seek, throwing stones or whatever pranks Ah Chui could think of, the most deplorable act to the monks was urinatingand defecating inside the temple. The way he did it was especially peculiar. By habit he would shit ferociously like some foul mouth spewing its contents right into the Treasure Collecting Bowl of the Great Hall of Mahavira. The more he did it, the greater the chance of being caught in the act by temple monks. Wah this was sacrilegious! The purity of Buddhist halls was soiled to no end with such foulness and stench! Lun Mun Chui however couldn’t care less and continued with his practice. When he was done, he sped off so fast like a demon that the monks could not catch hold of him.

Once, Ah Chui, on seeing no one was around headed straight into the Mahavira Hall and began his routine under a table, excreting his yellow and white matter in a ferocious manner when two monks caught whiff of the scent and alerted the rest of the monks who quickly surrounded Ah Chui. This way he was grabbed like a frog being weighed on scales2. The monks shouted,

“You rascal! Today is your doomsday. Just feed him with his own creation!”

One singer with a hundred harmonizing all shouting at once, Ah Chui was frightened out of his wits; his soul flew out yonder beyone the heavens; screaming bloody murder. Just right at this danger point, the old abbot, “Universal Illumination” of the temple, appeared and came closer to see what the commotion was about. He saw a little kid screaming away and he quickly inquired what the matter was. The bunch of monks explained that Ah Chui was always shitting in the Mahavira Hall. No matter what, he must be punished. The old Abbot peered at the little boy and a wave of compassion came over him. Quickly he ordered the monks to stand back and said,

“Back off all of you! I shall handle this matter!”

Then he turned to Ah Chui and asked for his name and where he lived. The old monk then asked,

“Did you really shit in the Mahavira Hall?”

Without a trace of fear, Ah Chui answered,

“Yes!”

And pointed his finger at the floor saying,

“This is my pile of shit!”

The old monk was pleased with the honest answer, followed Ah Chui’s finger and looked at the pile of shit. The moment the abbot saw the pile, he was stunned for a moment. This is because that pile of shit did not look like an ordinary pile like everyone else’s. Shit from people is normally either tubular or flat in shape, sometimes perhaps triangular but Ah Chui’s was a pile of rectangular shaped shit. The abbot was amazed and thought to himself,

“Hmmm… does this kid too have rectangular shaped intestines? This is like a breath of fresh air out of ten polluted ones. He must amount to grand nature in the future.”

Therefore he asked Ah Chui if he had ever studied. Ah Chui explained that his family was poor, relying on his mother eking out a living as a seamstress. No ability to send him to school. When the old monk heard his words, pity for Ah Chui welled in him. He told Ah Chui that from this day onwards, everyday he would give lessons personally to Ah Chui at the temple. Ah Chui for his part studied hard and became the apple of the abbot’s eye. The old monk loved the boy dearly and ordered the monks not to give any trouble to Ah Chui. Of course the monks had harbored grudges against Ah Chui before, but now that he had become the abbot’s pet, jealousy and hated within them grew greater and they despised Ah Chui to the core. Having the protection of the abbot, Ah Chui couldn’t care less about them. As usual he would somersaultwith other kids at play as if nothing had happened.

One day the Inspector General of Canton Wu Sum came to the West Zen Temple to offer incense. A large group of security detail came first to make preparations for the visit. Abbot “Universal Illumination” ordered all levels of the monkhood and regular visitors to the temple to prepare for the welcome. At this time, Ah Chui and his band of banshees3 were playing in the temple. Because Ah Chui was born with scale-like skin, he was nicknamed, “Warty Lun”.

Next Chapter: Mistaken For An Assassin!

Notes:

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

1. The main hall of a Buddhist temple where the historical Buddha is enshrined. Mahavira means Great Hero. Great denotes the immeasurable virtues of Buddha while hero means that Buddha is able to vanquish all demons and evil.

2. Cantonese love to eat frogs. They are called euphemistically as the “chicken of the rice paddy fields.” They are sold by weight.

3. See Cantonese note 2

三 大雄寶殿疴四方屎

或捉迷藏或掟石, 無所不為, 令人最討厭者, 則在寺中撒尿撒屎, 佢個鋪疴尿疴屎法, 寧舍疴得’ 啜核’1 每逢疴尿, 照例必在大雄寶殿個聚寶盆上猛疴, 疴得多, 就被寺中的和尚撞到, 嘩, 得了嘅, 佛門清淨, 俾你兒嘩鬼2疴得臭崩崩3, 污辣撻4! 但倫文敘却好小理, 依然一樣疴法, 疴完, 則飛跑而遁, 跑得又快, 個班和尚雖欲捉之, 不可得也. 有次, 亞敘乘人不覺, 又蹲响大雄寶殿一張杳案之下, 猛褪其黄白物, 不料早被两個和尚吼到, 當塲一叫, 四壁齊來, 立時將亞敘捉住, 秤蛤咁秤, 皆曰:

“今回你兒嘩鬼, 重唔死! 冇理佢, 照餵番俾佢食可矣!”

一唱百和, 嚇得亞敘魂飛天外, 鬼殺咁嘈, 正在危急之際, 忽遇西禪寺主持普照老和尚出到來, 見咁多人捉住一兒細路5, 喊打喊殺, 連忙上前問乜事? 個班和尚乃將亞敘時常在大雄寶殿疴屎之經過, 一五一十告之, 并謂此人非加以懲戒不可! 和尚睇睇亞敘, 小小年紀, 不禁動起慈悲之心, 即刻喝退眾和尚, 曰:

“你地行開, 等我處置可也.”

乃問亞敍姓乜名乜, 住在邊忽? 亞敘從容告之, 老和尚曰:

“你究竟有無在大雄寶殿疴屎?”

阿敍不諱, 曰:

“有!”

用手指住地下曰:

“個篤便是我疴者矣!”

老和尚喜其誠實, 欺6, 跟眼睇睇篤屎, 距料一睇之下, 當堂令老和尚為之愕然, 原來亞叙之屎, 與別不同, 別人之屎, 或圓或扁不定, 甚至三角形亦有, 但亞叙之屎, 疴出來却四四方方的, 不禁大以為奇, 心念這兒細路, 莫非的腸亦係四方者? 此乃十濁一清之格, 將來必為大貴人無疑, 於是和尚悅色問亞敘讀過書未? 亞叙乃話, 家中貧窮, 只靠寡母針番度日, 無力供書教學也. 老和尚聞言大憐之, 從此之後, 便日日叫亞敘來西禪寺, 由老和尚教之讀書. 亞敘亦用心學習, 老和尚乃對之鍾愛異常, 吩咐各僧以後不得難為亞敘. 點知其他和尚, 早已憎厭亞敍, 今見老和尚愛亞敘, 不禁妬恨交併, 對亞敘更加憎至入骨入肉, 亞敍則恃有老和尚做護符, 亦好小理, 依然同埋一班細路, 反斗如故焉, 一日, 有廣東巡撫吳琛, 來西禪寺進香, 一班隨衛士, 事先早來西禪寺佈置, 寺中普照老和尚, 亦率領各職級和尚知客之流, 準備迎接巡撫大人, 其時倫文敘適同一班嘩鬼在寺中玩耍, 亞敍因為生得週身亁癩, 汚糟辣撻, 花名叫癩倫.

Cantonese Notes

1. I never heard of this slang term before. From what I found out was the term could mean differently in different circumstances. One explained that the closest English equivalent is “that it is so funny that one is tickled pink”. Another explained that it is uncontrolled laughter and be embarrassed by the situation or their own laughter. Literally the first character mean, “to suck” as in sucking liquid with a straw or to suck up like in a kiss. The second one means “core” as in the fruit core, the core of the matter, nucleus etc. Perhaps the situation is so funny that one’s core is being sucked out by it.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Someone on ITALKI.com told me that it is slang for a rascal with foul mouth. Now it makes sense to me because the movie Rio, the Cantonese dubbed version has it as “啜核鸚鵡” which is a bad ass parrot.

2. The character I think used here is for the sound for “wee” for the common Cantonese expression, “wee 嘩鬼震”–wailing of ghosts that makes one shudder on hearing it. The closest situation is the Irish fear of the sound of the banshee. There is no standard character and therefore commonly written as喂. However this character is pronounced as “wei” as in the word for Cantonese hello on phone conversation.

3. It is very common in Cantonese to add words to make a verb become more lively or colorful. Usually these are sound words or onomatopoeia. Some English examples are chitty chitty bang bang, screechy scratchy.

4. Cantonese phrase meaning dirty. This is not the standard way of writing in Cantonese. It merely uses sounds from other characters. It is commonly written as污糟邋遢.

5. A little kid. For more info see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDdegCbI-J0&feature=related

6. The character means bully but is used here for the sound like the English word, “Hey!”

A Stroll Through Tijuana

This video was taken during a trip as I took two friends for a visit to a friendly dentist in Tijuana.  This also serves as a sort of a mini travel guide to those who would like to know how one crosses the border from San Diego in the USA to Tijuana of Mexico.  Of course things are easy if you know how.  For this second time around, it was a fun 3 mile one hour walk on a warm sunny spring day that almost became a time travel. 

From a Facebook comment I wrote, 為友為義為恩深入異地有何難.風和日麗無限笑樂隨心飃, sprang forth the following inspiration...

為友為義為恩報, For friendship or for righteousness or even for gratitude repaid,
深入異地有何難? How hard it is to enter a foreign land?
風和日麗無限春, A sunny spring day filled with boundless beauty and warmth,
慢步笑樂隨心飄. Strolling leisurely with smiles and joy emanating from the heart.

時去時過時隔多, Time goes, time went, time became distant,
盡忘舊境非難事. Forgetting places of old is no difficult task.
天寒地凍亦不懼, Even if the sky turns cold; the earth becomes frigid; afraid I would not be,
杳然片中重歡看. In quietude joy returns once more upon viewing this video.

Of course reentry to the US is a different story.  Depending on your luck, even on a same Saturday around the same time, the queue may take an hour or more to pass through immigration or just a mere 10 minute breeze through that happened to us this second time around.

The last Chinese song of the video is called "Love Eternal".  For those interested in the first Chinese song, here are the lyrics, the translation and commentaries.

 逍遙遊                            Wandering In Unfettered Leisure

走啊走啊走                     Walk1 oh walk, oh walk,
好漢跟我一起走             Come walk with me ye good man.
走遍了青山人未老         Roam all the green hills, old age still never comes,
少年壯志不言酬             Youthful lofty goals need no repayment.
莫啊莫歸首                     Oh never turn your head back,
管他黄鶴去何樓             Care not which tower the yellow crane2 flew from.
黄粱他一夢風雲再變     No matter how the winds in the Dream of the Yellow Sorghum3 may change,
灑向人間是怨懮             It is but sprinkles of sorrows and worries upon the mortal world.
划一葉扁舟                     Row a skiff4,
任我去遨遊                     And I can go anywhere.
逍逍啊遙遙                     Such is unfettered leisure,
天地與我競自由             Heaven and Earth vie with me for freedom.
共飲一杯洒                     Let us drink to that!
人間本來情難求             Difficult it is to beseech favours from the mortal world,
相思啊難了                     Hard it is for me to think,
豪情再現                         That the way of heroes will appear once more.
亂雲飛渡仍閑遊             Clouds may be turbulent but they are at their own pace.
划一葉扁舟                     Row a skiff,
誰願與我共逍遊             Who shall join me in this leisure wandering.

天若有情                         If Heaven has any passion,
天亦老                             Heaven is already ancient.
不如與天競自由             Why not vie with Heaven for freedom?

天若有情                         If Heaven has any passion,
天亦老                             Heaven is already old.
不如與天競自由             Why not vie with Heaven for freedom?

啦…                                 Tra-la-la…

NOTES:

This is the title song of “The Eastern Journey” a TV made serial.  The classical story is the first of the four epic journeys indicated by its direction. The story deals with the Eight Immortals where their home is in the Eastern Blessed Isles. The Southern Journey is the story of how “Brilliant Light” saves his mother from Purgatory. The Western Journey is of course the story of the famous Monkey King. The Northern Journey deals with the apotheosis of the Dark Emperor of the North. For more info see

http://baike.baidu.com/view/609460.htm

1. Cantonese kept the Classical Chinese meaning, “to run” while in Mandarin it became “to walk.”

2. One for the four famous towers in China. One legend says that the tower was built as a commemoration to an immortal seen flying away on a yellow crane while others said he departed from this tower. The poem advises that where the immortal went is unimportant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Crane_Tower

3. See http://jeffinous.blogspot.com/2011/02/dream-of-southern-bough-chinese-antz.html

4. A flat bottomed boat with a few planks put together. A common sight in Guilin

Some Chinese Philosophy Or Another Translation Example: Some Do’s And Don’ts.

     

I received the following Chinese “poem” from a friend; a piece on human behaviour about how people act in general according to their current financial state of affairs. Certainly I am no expert in ascertaining how true it is in applying to the general populace. I am more interested in the translation to English. As a perfectionist, I was aghast at its poor quality as I read the original translation even though any English reader can grasp the soul of the poem easily. It was simple enough an example to show how one can do a better job in translation. My translated version is in italics. For more information see my essay on the “The Barbaric Goddess.”



http://jeffinous.blogspot.com/2010/10/barbaric-goddess-or-finer-points-in.html

沒錢的時候, 養豬;
When without money, keep pigs;
When poor1, raise a pig;

Being Rich



有錢的時候, 養狗.

When have money, keep dogs. 

When rich1, keep2 a dog.

沒錢的時候，在家裡吃野菜;

When without money, eat wild vege at home;
When poor, eat veggies3 at home;

有錢的時候，在酒店吃野菜.
When have money eat same wild vege in fine restaurant.
When rich, eat veggies at restaurants4.

沒錢的時候，在馬路上騎自行車;
When without money, ride bicycle;
When poor, ride a bike5 to work6,

有錢的時候，在客廳裡騎自行車.
When have money, ride exercise machine.
When rich, ride an exercise7 bike in the guest room.

沒錢的時候,想結婚;


Being Poor



When without money wish to get married;

When poor, yearns8 for marriage;

有錢的時候,想離婚.

When have money, wish to get divorced.

When rich, wished9 for divorce.

沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書;
When without money wife becomes secretary;
When poor, wife10 IS the secretary;

有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆.
When have money secretary becomes wife.
When rich, secretary10 IS the wife.

沒錢的時候,假裝有錢;
When without money, act like rich man;
When poor, act11 like the rich;

有錢的時候,假裝沒錢.
When with money, act like poor man.
When rich, masquerade11 like the poor.

人 啊，都不講實話：
Man oh man never tells the truth:
Man O man, never can he tell the truth12:

說股票是毒品，都在玩;
Says share market is bad but keeps speculating;
Stocks and bonds are drugs, but still we keep on Tango-ing13;

說金錢是罪惡，都在撈.
Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.
Money is evil, we still keep on gaining14.

說美女是禍水，都想要;
Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;
Beauties15 are trouble yet desiring them to no end;

說高處不勝寒，都在爬.
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.
Lofty posts though lonely yet we hunger16 for them.

說煙酒傷身體，就不戒;
Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Smoking & drinking: filthy habits we can never forgo17.

說天堂最美好，都不去!!!
Says Heaven is good but refused to go!!!
Paradise18 is most wonderful yet we refused to go!!!

鄉下早晨雞叫人,
In the rural areas, chicken calls man awake.
In villages, in the morning the chicken19 calls the man.

城裡晚上人叫雞;
In the cities, man calls for chickens.
In cities, in the night the man calls for chickens20.

舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身;
In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;
In the past, divas21 sell their talents not their bodies;

新社會演員賣身不賣藝.
Now actresses will sell their bodies to become famous.
Nowadays, they22 sell sex but not their talents.

-----------------------------------------------------------

人生是什麼?

What is life about?
What is life?


1 歲時出場亮相
At one, YOU are the top priority
At age one, you are the STAR23.

10 歲時功課至上
At ten, academic excellence is the top priority.
At age ten, academic excellence is THE top priority24.
20 歲時春心盪漾
At twenty, getting dates is the top priority
At age twenty, spring desires takes control23.

30 歲時職場對抗
At thirty, a good career is top priority
At age thirty career is the main battle25.
40 歲時身材發胖
At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority.
At age forty, one's waistline keeps on expanding.

50 歲時打打麻將
At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority
At age fifty, time often spent on playing mahjong

60 歲時老當益壯
At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority
At age sixty, keep IT up is top priority26

70 歲時常常健忘
At seventy, remembering something is top priority
At age seventy, able to remember is a good thing.
80 歲時搖搖晃晃
At eighty, moving around is top priority
At age eighty one needs to move around more often27

90 歲時迷失方向
At ninety, knowing directions is top priority
At age ninety, getting lost is often the case.

100 歲時掛在牆上
At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!
At age hundred, having your wall portrait27 is top priority!

祝大家愉快，好好做人!
Wishing you all happiness! Be good!
Wishing all happiness abound and be a good person in life!

NOTES:

29 Apr 2011

1. The original translation sounds too much like broken English. Retaining the original flavour of the poem does not give any added value. The original text uses the same word twice and I find it boring in the English version. So I try to use as many different substitution words but still in keeping with the intent of the poem.

2. “Keep” has the connotation of choice while “raise” has a sense of compulsory obligation or duty.

3. The original words used were indeed “wild vegetables”. It is fine in Chinese but to an English reader, it sounds odd since vegetables are grown by man and cannot be wild.

4. In the original text, there is no adjective used to describe the kind of restaurant one is eating at. Such exaggeration is unneeded as it does not improve much. By eating out already infers that one has enough money to do so. However the word, "same [kind of] " may be added for emphasis. See also Note 7.

5. Earlier on, the original translator used “veggie” (even though spelt wrongly) as slang for vegetable in view of the lightness in tone of the poem, such usage should be inconsistent throughout in the poem.

6. In the original text, it meant, "ride a bike on the road".  I did not translate, "on the road" because the meaning is implied under ordinary circumstances.  One cannot ride a bike on water!  Instead, I chose the phrase, “to work” in to contrast it with the next line. “To work” suggests a task must be done.
7. The word “exercise” does not appear in the original text. However in this case the original translator correctly added this extraneous information to convey a clearer meaning to readers.

8. Same reasons for notes 2 and 6.

9. In the original text, the character used can also mean “to think”. Both of us chose “wish” because with community property laws getting a divorce is difficult or impossible to do so.

10. By using appropriate capitalizations a piece can comes to life.

11. Again the original text uses the same character twice meaning “to pretend.” I like the original translator choice of the word “act” as its smacks with hints of pretence; much better than my first choice “pretending”.

12. Just a matter of style preference. “Ah, man can never tell the truth” doesn’t sound poetic enough for my personal taste.

13. The original character used is “to play” as in “playing the stock market”. I like the original translator’s choice of “speculation” because “play” has hints of something we usually do for fun. However in the rest of the line, we take on different sides in contrast to note 11. The original translator uses an inference while I took on a more literal translation. Retaining the original flavour of the poem works better in paint a more vivid picture. In doing so, I cannot use the verb “speculate” anymore.

14. The character used means “to scoop”, but in Cantonese slang it means “make money” or “to work” rather than to accumulate. “Gain” is a better choice as its meaning is closer in spirit even though “accumulate” also reflects the intent of the poem to the reader.

15. The original text uses, “beautiful women”. Here I don’t understand why the original translator drops the word “beautiful”. Beautiful women don’t need to not make trouble. They are trouble themselves! This is also reflected in the original text. Therefore I feel the original translation is wrong in this respect. At the same time in keeping with tone of previous lines, the slang word, "babes" should be used. I prefer “beauties” because to a gay man, women beautiful or not will not be as desirable as they are for a straight guy. The word “beauty” certainly applies to the imagination of whatever inclination the reader is oriented towards. “Desire” is a more powerful emotion than just “want”. The word, “Says” has been dropped because I find it redundant. It is assumed that someone is expounding the truth of the poem to us while we are reading it. At the same time, I have added, “to no end” for better reading in the target language.

16. The literal meaning of this line is, “High positions are cold yet we still want to climb.” We both came to the same conclusion that literal translation does not work well in this instance. However we chose to express it differently. Again “hunger” is a stronger emotion than “want”. At this time, I elicited in changing the line structures so as not to make the repetition too boring for the reader.

17. The literal meaning of this line is “Smoking and drinking are harmful to our bodies yet we don’t want to kick these bad habits.” I like his choice, “to partake” although “to forgo” is a little truer to the intent of the line. At this stage, the repetitive nature of the poem becomes stale and change is definitely needed to break the monotony.

18. Since Cantonese slang was used in the poem, the word “Paradise” is the better word choice than “heaven” in translating “Hall of Heaven”.

19. Technically “chicken” is the wrong word to use. Chickens don’t crow, roosters do! Chinese unlike English do not have different words to differentiate the sex of chickens. An exception is made in this instance because of the next line in the poem. In using the correct translation, “rooster wakes the man”, the play on words in the original language is lost.

20. Cantonese slang for calling the oldest profession. Streetwalkers are known as chickens but of course nowadays denote both sexes. For whatever reason the original translator had in mind, the word “night” is must be retained.

21. The original characters used meant actors, especially those performing in Chinese opera. However they can also mean movie actors/stars although nowadays the more common term (literal translation from English – “bright stars”) is used for the distinction. I like the original translation of “in the past” for “old societies” and “now” for “new societies”.

22. The original characters used meant performers in general. I chose the word, “them” to emphasize those in the same profession.

23.  Although the original translation is correct, it had lost the flavour of the original text.  Never infer too much when a literal translation is sufficiently clear and makes the reader come to the same conclusion.

24.  Except for minor changes, we are in total agreement.

25.  There is nothing in the original text to suggest about the quality of the career.

26.  The literal meaning is "health is the top priority" at this stage of the game.  However such exaggerated inference gives the piece much liveliness and humour and does not diminish whatever the intent the author was trying to infer.  This is an example of good translation that takes the soul of the text into the consideration.

27. It could also mean one is getting to waver and tottering clumsily. But with the context, this may not be the case.


28. Having a good portrait in preparation for one's funeral. No one wants to look like a dead thing even on his own funeral! Such is the vanity of human nature.

Number One Scholar - Chapter 2 - A Distinguished Future Must Be In Store For Ah Chui

  

Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Chapter 2 – A Distinguished Future Must Be In Store For Ah Chui1.

Old Lun Eight2 on seeing the current situation knew that his old lady was going to explode any moment and he was getting very antsy.

“Old Eight, let me look after Eighth sister-in-law3. You better go and find a midwife quick!” Night Watcher Six advised.

Old Lun Eight thought to himself,

“Surely you jest! If she explodes right now, won’t you have an eyeful of everything? Sheesh!”

Therefore to Night Watcher Six, he pleaded,

“Sixth younger brother4, if you really want to help, you must send Buddha to the West5. Mind if I trouble you going next door and bang on the door to wake up Bagasse Fifth Aunt6 and then to the opposite corner and call the wife of Ah Chan, the pickled vegetable seller, to come. They had promised help when the moment arrived.”

With those words, Night Watcher Six immediately went a-calling. Not long afterwards Bagasse Fifth Aunt and Mrs. Chan came groggily and asked Eighth Uncle,

“Any movement yet?”

“I don’t have any movement but my wife has!” retorted an antsy Eighth Uncle.

Quickly everyone went about their assigned tasks; to heat some water, to carry and assist Mrs. Eighth. Night Watcher Six went back to his rounds. For a while everyone hustled and bustled. Finally the baby came crying “wah wah” into this world alerting the entire three streets of the neighbourhood. Bagasse Firth Aunt announced as she carried the baby,

“Congratulations to you Eighth Uncle, you got yourself an arrowhead stalk7!”

On hearing the congratulatory words, Eighth Uncle quickly went forth to take a look and was overjoyed upon verification. But then on a second look, he saw the baby had very odd features, a head big as a bucket with little sparkly eyes. The strangest of all was that his entire body covered with marks that looked like fish scales. However the body is strong and healthy. After Bagasse Fifth Aunt finished washing the baby, she wrapped him in a blanket before presenting to Eighth Aunt. When mother gazed upon her son, she gave a big fright and from of her mouth she out came an “Ai yah!”

Eighth Uncle asked what the matter was. Eighth Aunt stuttered,

“Strange, very strange indeed! This baby looks like that thing I was dreaming earlier. I wondered if this omen is good or bad.”

Eighth Uncle consoled her and gave this baby the name of Lun Mun Chui8. When one has something to say, the day is long, and days are short when there is nothing to say. Time passed quickly and Ah Chui was now five years old. Because he was often sickly as a baby, his body size was unusually skinny and diminutive. However his head was especially large in proportion to his body. Eighth Uncle had often heard the adage, ‘A large head is for the great and big-footed is but a beggar’. Looking at his son’s unusual features of a large head and a small body he would recall the strange circumstances in which his son was born. In the end the father was very sure that his son would amount to something great in the future. Because of this reasoning, he was not disheartened. Not only was he not disheartened, he was extremely sure that his son would become an official someday. Of course in order to become one, he would need schooling. Lun Old Eight is a vegetable seller, how could he make enough money to send his son to school? Before Ah Chui was born, the two old biddies barely eked out enough just to have skin on them. Now with an extra Chui, there is one more burden. No matter how one calculated, there was no way they could send their son to school.

Because of this Old Lun Eight worried day and night. Enduring here, struggling there, very soon he reported to his maker9! Poor Ah Chui, losing his father at such a tender age. Luckily for him, his mother had the will of an arrow’s flight and the determination to park the boat10 [she never remarried]. She hoped that her struggles would eventually be able to rear her son up.

How about Ah Chui? Of course he didn’t go to school at all. Everyday he would play with neighbour kids. The only good thing about him was that he was smart and intelligent. Anyone who saw him loved him except for the monks of the West Zen sect. They hated him to the core. Why, you ask? This is because Ah Chui lived at the west gate of “First Candidates Selection” which is not far away from the Temple of Bright Filial Piety. Each day Ah Chui with his gang of screaming imps would enter the West Zen sect temple to play…

Notes:

25 Apr 2011

Edited by the Jimbo.
1. The prefix Ah (亞 or 阿) is used inconsistently throughout the book. May be there were not enough blocks to go around for the print. This is diminutive naming to produce affection.

2. Another way of adding affection to Ah Chui’s father who was obviously the 8th son in the family.

3. A respectful term for addressing someone’s wife. The exact Chinese term used is wife of one’s younger brother so as not to offend her by implying that she is old (by using the term for one’s older brother’s wife).

4. Another respectful term while adding endearment. Lun’s father is asking for a favour from Night Watcher Six. At the same time, we can infer that Lun’s father is older. When strangers meet, one of the first things they do is to establish their age so that proper terms can be applied. Sometimes even when one is older, a younger term is used for oneself to ingratiate oneself to the other person.

5. Buddha came from the west (India). So therefore to send Buddha back to where he came from means that you really want to help out to the end.

6. Bagasse is the fibrous matter that remains after sugarcane stalks are crushed for juice extraction. The exact term used here is the wife of one’s father’s younger brother.

7. Arrowhead bulb, Sagittaria sagittifolia. It looks like the private parts of a baby or little boy. Hence Cantonese expression for baby boys. In the original text the character used for stem is 蒂 but in Cantonese 椗 is used instead. During Chinese New Year, especially in a young family, mothers-in-law usually present a pan of growing Arrowroot bulbs as a hint to the young wife to get a grandson for them soon!

8. I really doubt that this illiterate vegetable seller was able to choose such a grand name for the sun. See the Preface on the meaning of our hero’s name.

9. The Cantonese use the word “gourd” or “squash (the vegetable)” to mean death or to die. This is because both words share the same sound. However there is no ‘proper’ word for the word death and the gourd word is used. Therefore one does not serve such food on festive days or happy occasions in Cantonese families. Bitter gourd is the most dreaded dish to serve it sounded like ‘a bitter death’ – fu gua. Some people tried to rename it as 涼瓜leong gua - “cooling gourd” to have a connotation like the English slang “cool cucumber”. However the death-sounding homophone cannot be avoided. Here is an interesting or rather funny story from my Hong Kong friend Simon Hui,

His sister’s mother-in-law was a very superstitious woman. Ordering highly inauspiciously named dishes on special occasions such as her birthday was especially frowned upon and to be avoided at all costs. However her son-in-law loved to eat bitter gourd cooked with beef. He knew of her taboos and instead of ordering bitter gourd, he ordered “cool gourd” instead. The moment he uttered the words, one could see darkest clouds covering the old lady’s face and fire spewing out of her eyes. The stupid - or rather - the careless cavalier attitude of the son-in-law had committed an extreme faux pas. The word “cool” has the exact pronunciation as his mother-in-law’s surname, Leong (梁)! Therefore it meant “May she die on her birthday dinner” He should have abstained from ordering any gourd dishes in the first place.

10. This line came from a poem in one of the 24 stories of filial piety (二十四孝).

矢志柏舟守節貞 With the aim of an arrow in flight, the will to park the boat, I shall be chaste to my widowhood.
家貧紡織以維生 My family is poor and I shall weave (silk) to support them.
奉姑行孝傳遐邇 The fame of my respect and filial piety to my mother-in-law shall spread far and wide
彤管休揚千載名 Need no red brush to record my name.

During the Han Dynasty, a young wife of 16 promised her husband that in case he does not return from the war, she would take care of her mother-in-law and treat her as her own. After 3 years of mourning for her dead husband was over, her mother-in-law tried to force her into remarriage so that they could have a better life. She refused and would rather die than to break the vow to her husband. Her mother-in-law relented and the daughter-in-law continued her filial piety until the old lady died at the age of 80. When Emperor Han Wen Ti heard her tale, she was awarded with 40 pounds of gold and entitled her the name of “Lady of Filial Piety.” http://www.namoamitabha.net/ch/publication/filial_piety/24stories10.htm

The literall meaning of 彤管 is red brush. A ritual monthly gift (a pair) from Han Dynasty prime ministers. These brushes were used by female secretariats to record the comings and goings of the queens and imperial concubines of the Inner Palace where no uncastrated male is allowed.

Original Text

二 認定亞敘將來必貴

倫老八見此情形, 知道老婆將近爆槳,當堂手忙脚亂, 打更六說:

“老八等我同你看住八嫂先, 你去揾執媽嚟1可矣!”

倫老八個心諗; 揾笨2乎? 萬一真正爆起槳來, 豈不俾你睇3見晒4? 乃叫打更六曰

“六叔, 為人為到底, 送佛送到西, 多煩你同我去隔籬5拍門叫醒蔗渣五嬸, 再去斜對面嗌嗌賣鹹酸阿陳個老婆陳嫂來幫手, 事関佢地早已應承也.”

打更六一聽得, 連忙前去, 未幾, 蔗渣五嬸, 鹹酸陳嫂均已懵懵忪忪趕至, 問八叔,

“作動未?”

八叔話我就未作動, 我老婆就作動矣.”

於是大家夾手夾脚俾6個煲水,俾個扶住八嫂, 俾個執定架部, 打更六則仍然去打更, 大家忙了一陣, 蘇蝦仔7已告脫穎而出, 唔呀唔呀, 三條街都聽聞, 蔗渣五嬸抱起蘇蝦仔一睇, 當堂話:

“恭喜咯八叔, 生個茨菇蒂8!”

八叔聞言, 連忙上前, 睇下果然真係, 不禁大喜, 再睇下個仔, 生得形容十分古怪, 頭大如斗, 眼仔晶晶, 最奇怪者, 則全身一片片, 好似魚鱗噉9, 但身体却結實異常, 蔗渣五嬸同佢洗完身之後, 揾張被仔裏住, 就交俾八嫂, 八嫂一睇, 當堂大吃一驚, 哎喲一聲, 脫口已出, 八叔問乜事? 八嫂口震震噉話:

“奇嘞10做乜亞蘇仔, 十足同剛才我發夢所見個野一樣噉嘅11, 唔知是吉是兇也”

八叔仍安慰之, 就同此蘇蝦仔, 改個名叫做倫文敘, 正是有話日長, 無話日短, 不經不覺亞敍已經五歲, 因為亞敘自小病痛多, 所以奀12細異常, 不過亞敘身軀雖然奀細, 個頭則特別宏偉, 八叔聞得俗語有話,頭大君子, 脚大乞兒, 今見亞敘形狀, 頭部特大, 而且出世之時, 又是單咁古怪嘅野, 所以認定個仔將來, 必然有貴, 因此亦不恢心, 不特不恢心, 而且對亞敘希望甚大, 但希望還希望, 家無讀書子, 功名何處來, 想個仔將來做官, 當然非供書教學不可. 無奈倫老八向來家窮只靠賣菜度日, 在亞敘未出世之前, 両老, 亦僅僅有皮, 多了一個敘, 便多一個負担, 自然唔够算, 慢講供個仔讀書乎? 為此之故, 倫老八乃日夜担心, 捱埋捱埋有幾耐, 便宣告瓜! 可憐倫文敍, 自少喪父, 好在母親八嫂矢志柏舟, 希望捱大個仔, 於是便靠織布度日, 亞敘呢? 自然無書讀, 日日同坤群嬉戲, 好在佢聰明伶俐, 所以人見人愛, 但有一件事, 被西禪寺的和尚僧到入骨, 點解呢? 原來亞敘住在西门擢甲里, 此地距光孝寺甚近, 亞敘便日日同地一班嘩鬼, 入去西禪寺頑耍.

1. 來.

2. 揾笨 to be or treated a fool, to be tricked etc. 揾 is Cantonese for 找 or 尋.

3. 看.

4. All in 做晒–all done, 揾晒–find everywhere, 見晒 - seen all.

5. Next door i.e. separated by a fence.

6. 給.

7. Baby. Other forms are 臊孲仔 and 甦孲仔. For a detailed video explanation (in Cantonese) see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjZfomv7SHU&feature=related 粵講粵有癮-臊孲仔.


8. See Note 7.

9. Same as 咁. In this context, it means “like so”. There are many meanings when combined with other words. See http://www.cantonese.sheik.co.uk/dictionary/characters/369/?full=true

10. 啦.

11. 的. As a final particle, it stresses or emphasizes a situation or strengthen a statement, as in咁嘅–is there all there is, 食得嘅–Can be eaten!

12. As can be seen from the composition of two characters “not big”. So it means puny, weak, skinny. 奀皮 means skinny to the bones, a slang for mischievous children, or being impish.

Number One Scholar - Chapter 1 - There's A Big-Headed Ghost in Blessed Earth Lane.

  
Copyright © 2011 - Jeff Loh. All rights reserved

Chapter 1 – There’s A Big-Headed Ghost1 In Blessed Earth Lane.

My dear friends! Canton’s Lun Mun Chui’s prestige and fame is as thick as people and horses crowding into a city. There is no one who does not know him. You may not have seen a white crane but I am sure you must have seen a pile of shit before [This is how well known Lun Mun Chui is in Canton]. In the old days, somewhere between, ‘First Candidates Selection’ and ‘Blessed Earth’ Lane2 was the official residence of the Lun family. The imperial memorial arch of ‘First Candidates Selection’ is the most famous in all of Canton. Everyone knows the apocryphal stories of Lun Mun Chui, how he sold vegetables in his youth and how he bested Lau Sin Hoi3 at his own games, so Uncle Chen4 shall refrain and spare his tongue from wagging too much. One can hear these stories sung in Dragon Boat Songs5 or you can read them in books. However, they are not detailed and many of these apocryphal stories are lost. When Uncle Chen6 was a kid…

I heard many stories from neighbouring second uncle7 and from foot-bound eighth auntie8. Mostly from unofficial sources. I read many writings of the old describing the life of Lun Mun Chui that not many people know. I shall now recount these events in detail as stories. No more idle talk and let me delve right into the topic.

During his lifetime and after, Lun Mun Chui was known for his uncanny wit. Why was he so demon-witted? You ask. Well, this is because he was the reincarnation of a big-headed ghost9. Before he was born, neighours of Blessed Earth Lane had been seeing a ghost every night – one with a big head with a small body. While walking in the night when people came across it, it would simply open its large mouth and grin at them idiotically. It was not afraid of people10. My friends please don’t say it’s not a frightening scene at all! When one person sees it, two more will come forth and claim that they too had seen it. As all descriptions were very similar even skeptics began to wonder if the stories were true. Very soon everyone was afraid to walk outside at night; all except for Night Watcher Six11 who had not witnessed such apparitions.

Some people reasoned that if there was indeed a big-headed ghost in the vicinity, why wouldn’t Night Watcher Six be afraid?

“I beat my gongs each night, going through Blessed Earth Lane back and forth at least twelve times12 never have I witnessed such a thing before,” claimed Night Watcher Six.

“This proves that those claiming that they saw the apparitition they were merely firing off their big cannons13!. I’ll believe when I see it.”

So Night Watcher Six continued with his job, sounding the times for the night. When he reached Blessed Earth Lane, he would open his golden pupils and fiery eyes14 to look around purposefully and even pause for a while before leaving the area. Still he did not find anything strange.

One night, after having two cups of wine, his eyes became blurry; beating on his bamboo plaque and copper gong15 as he went about his business on the third watch. Just when he came to house number fifteen he saw a black shadow.

“Oi! Who’s out there! This late in the night; must be some thief at work.”

Quickly Night Watcher Six went for a closer look. Wah! What a big-headed ghost it was! Head as big as a keg, a skinny vine-like body and a hideous face to match. It stared at Night Watcher Six and gave its signature idiotic grin when it suddenly dodged into house number thirteen where Old Lun Eight lived. Now Night Watcher Six was really courageous and was not a bit least frightened. Quickly he ran up to house thirteen and banged on the door shouting,

“Old Eight Lun! Wake up! I need to talk to you! I’m Night Watcher Six.”

Mrs. Lun Eight was already walking out of the hall. So ugly she looked in her undergarments with her three delicates bouncing up and down! Hey! Wait a minute! Women have two protrusions. How come there are three on her? Well, that is because Auntie Eight was in her full eighth month of pregnancy. Mrs. Eight said to her husband,

“I was almost frightened to death. I had a dream. In it was this big-headed ghost. I could see its head but not its body. It approached me and with a twist, it pierced into my belly through the trousers leg. At once I struggled and woke myself up. Now the little piggy16 is causing me some pain.”

Oh my! This is getting strange. Night Watcher Six began to wonder about everything he had seen and heard. But before her story ended, Mrs. Lun started experiencing great pains in her stomach.

Notes:

Monday, April 11, 2011

Edited by the Jimbo

1. In Cantonese a big-headed ghost is slang for a rich man or boss by the virtue of his wealth.

2. At Sea Pearl in Canton, there is still a street named ’First Scholar Selection’. The character ‘擢' means to select or to promote. ’甲' means first. In imperial times, it also meant to be first in the imperial exams. According to one story, there were indeed a few Number One Scholars that came from this innocuous looking lane, including Ming Dynasty’s demon-witted Lun Mun Chui. During the Southern Sung Dynasty, there lived a Mr. Wong, a carpenter who came to Canton for work. He had two sons, the elder named Pun and the younger Hei. However the father worked so hard he died of exhaustion before he could see his sons grow up. As the family was poor, the older brother worked and self-studied. In the meantime, he supported and enrolled the younger brother in a private school studio. A few years later the older brother succeeded in the preliminary examinations and became a scholar and the number one scholar at the finals. The younger brother also passed the exams and became the next number one scholar. With two number one scholars coming from the same family, it had a great impact on Canton. Local officials erected a new residence for them and named the street “First Scholar Selection”.

Another story describes this place where Lun Mun Chui was born. Most importantly not only did this place produce the Number One Scholar (狀元); of his two sons, the elder one became the Number Three Scholar (探花) during the reign of Emperor Cheng Te and nine years later, his younger son became the Number Two Scholar (榜眼). Hence the place was named the “Blessed Earth”.

http://hi.baidu.com/hejianfei1227/blog/item/1b4b71097bdfeccf3ac7633c.html
http://www.luns123.com/redirect.php?tid=1068&goto=lastpost
http://zh-yue.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E9%BE%8D%E8%88%9F%E6%AD%8C

3. Arch-nemesis of our hero. We shall encounter him later.

4. See preface.

5. A kind of song popular in Canton. It has nothing to do with the Dragon Boat race or the festival. The street singer carries a small “dragon boat” with a gong and drum going through the neighbourhood to sell his vocal talents. For more details see the video explanation at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjPqQuEEB60

6. Chinese love to speak in the 3rd person. This is to show one’s humility.

7. In Cantonese slang, the second younger brother of one’s father is a pawnbroker. Because of his profession, he is said to be very experienced and knowledgeable, knowing minutiae that others may not know.

8. Auntie Eight is a derogatory euphemism for a gossipy or fearsome crone. In adding the phrase bound foot (the ancient fetish of Chinese males binding their womenfolk’s feet) implies that she is really old since foot binding was no longer practised during the time of the author (but one could still see such remnants of the old dynasty). The practice was finally stopped by the communist regime. Various reigns of the Ch’ing Dynasty had tried to stamp out this barbaric practice but to no avail since later emperors themselves succumbed to this fetish.

9. In Cantonese slang, a big-headed ghost is a rich person. Because of his wealth he is often the boss or chief.

10. In popular belief, ghosts are supposed to be afraid of the living. This comes from the adage, 人怕鬼三分, 鬼怕人七分. Man is afraid of ghosts by 30% while ghosts are afraid of human being by 70%. Thus an upright person has no fear of them; only guilty ones have.

A nightwatchman.  The character means to patrol



11. A number that is commonly affixed to night watchers. Most probably he is son number six. In illiterate classes, names usually consist of a number or an animal. Cantonese love to affix numbers to nicknames. For example, some came from the design of Chinese dominoes to describe people with certain physical characteristics, ‘tambourine six’ (拎冧六), ‘big-headed six’ (大頭六) or ‘long legged 7’ (高脚七) for the 6th and 7th son.



12. The night is divided into 6 divisions of time. Each division is about 2 hours.

Cantonese slang for exaggerated lies. Reincarnated from the phrase “扯大奅”. “gossiping about great flimsiness”. For detailed explanation see


http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTIwMDE3OTg0.html


14. Description for the eyes of the “Monkey King” who had eaten the peaches of immortality gulped the entire stock of divine wine and swallowed the entire batch of Lao Tzu’s pills making his body indestructible. When he was finally caught he was imprisoned in Lao Tzu’s pill-making furnace in hopes of distilling the essence out of his body so that his mortal remains could be burnt to ashes. However Monkey being afraid of fire moved himself into the wind sector of the furnace where there is no fire. However there was smoke that made his pupils glow in gold and caused his eyes to become fiery, enabling him to see things happening at thousands of miles away. Thus the term now means “sharp eyed”.

15. The watchman would clap on the hollow bamboo stick twice before striking the copper gong twice, with sounds of “duk duk chang chang”. The hour is indicated by the number of beats.

16. Cantonese call their sons little piggy 猪仔as a term of affection because pigs are precious commodities in the old days. Also amongst the illiterate classes it was common to give their sons names or nick names like亞狗 (dog), 亞羊 (goat). Girls on the other hand may not even possess a name!


Original Text

一 福地巷有隻大頭鬼

各位老友記, 廣東倫文叙個首架勢1堂人馬, 相信無人不識. 唔2見白鶴都見過篤3屎, 你看擢甲里福地巷, 這兩條街, 舊時就係4倫家的狀元第, 擢甲里哪5個子鼎甲牌坊, 是通廣州最架勢的牌坊, 而倫文敘的軼事, 倫文敘賣菜, 倫文敘扭6絕柳先開, 等等事跡, 龍舟雖有, 書仔7有, 街頭都有得擺, 街尾有得買, 相信個個皆知, ,不須襯叔饒舌, 但是龍舟歌同書仔, 都是畧而不詳, 而倫文敘軼事, 散佚不傳, 襯叔細蚊仔聽過隔籬二叔公8, 和巷尾紮脚八婆9, 講過好多件並無坊本的, 大來了, 又看過好多前人筆記, 述倫文敍的事, 也是人多未知, 所以特地將倫文敘一生事蹟, 當作古講, 一事一事, 細說將來, 閒話休提, 且說倫文敘是時, 人稱為鬼才, 點解說是鬼才呢10? 原來倫文敍是大頭鬼投胎, 倫文敘未曾出世之前, 福地巷坊人, 每晚黑夜見鬼, 隻鬼是個頭大大, 個身細細, 行人夜行, 時常碰着, 是不怕人, 見到人張開個丫扒大口, 向人儍笑, 老友, 都咪11話唔得人驚, 一個說見過, 兩個也說見過, 而且個個所見都是如此形狀, 不由人不信, 于是相信怕有, 人皆不敢夜行, 獨獨打更六是不曾見過, 有人話打更六, 此處有隻大頭鬼, 你重晚上打更, 不怕鬼乎? 我打更六晚晚行福地巷至小來回十二次, 絕無所見, 可知個的見鬼的是車大砲12, 我見過就信了, 果然打更六依然晚晚打更, 行到福地巷, 金精火眼, 四處張望, 而且故意俄廷, 在巷中流連不去, 但終不獲見, 一晚, 打更六飲醉两杯, 醉眼矇矓, 揸住碌更更鎚, 正在打三更, 打到十五號戶門前, 見一團黑影, 喂, 邊13個三更半夜躲在此處, 想偷野14乎? 走15上前一看, 嘩, 乜16真有隻大頭鬼乎? 祇見一個頭大如斗身瘦如藤, 面貌猙獰的大頭鬼, 向打更六笑, 一閃身便向十三號倫老八的住宅閃了入去, 打更六確是够大胆, 他絕不驚心, 走到十三號門口, 砰砰打門, 喂, 倫老八, 起身, 我打更六呀, 有句話同你講, 個首倫八嫂早已走出廳來, 肉酸17呀, 細衫短褲, 三凸玲龍, 喂, 女人皆有兩凸, 點解18有三凸呢? 原有八嫂已經懷孕足八月, 八嫂向老八曰: “一嚇死我了, 我發夢, 夢見一隻大頭鬼, 只見其頭, 不見其身, 一走走到我身傍, 一攢19到, 由褲脚攢到了肚子裡, 當堂紥醒, 如今個猪20小還隱隱作痛也.” 打更六一聽, 咦, 古怪, 因說所見, 誰不知話說未完, 八嫂繼續肚痛.

   

Cantonese Terms

1. Prestigious, famous, big shot or ‘cool’.

2. Equivalent to 不.

3. Counting word for a pile.

4. Equivalent to 是.

5. Same as 那, just the tones are different.

6. Extending the meaning of ‘to twist’. 扭計 is ‘to twist the plan’ meaning to kick up a fuss or to play a prank. 扭擰 is ‘to twist and turn’ i.e. to be wishy washy or indecisive.

7. same as 子.

8. See Note #6.

9. See Note #7.

10. A final particle,

      a. questioning emphasis: 點知呢? how do you know?!

      b. Reflecting the question back to the questioner: 事情有誰不知呢? for this matter isn’t there anyone who doesn’t know?

      c. To emphasize the accuracy of the statement: 佢地都要求我呢 they must seek my help!

      d. Indicating continuous tense: 現在學習呢 at this moment they are still learning.

      e. Pause indicator functioning like a comma, 現在呢事不同往日 Now, things is not the same as before.

      f. This or that as in, 呢個, this time, that time, 呢陣.

11. Same as 不 don’t.

12. See Note #13.

13. Where 邊處, who 邊個.

14. A thing or an object.

15. The ancient (classical) meaning of走which Cantonese retain means ‘to run’. The meaning in modern standard Chinese is ‘to walk’. Cantonese walk is 行.

16. What. 乜嘢 or乜野 means ‘what things’. 做乜野’ means ‘what are you doing?’

17. So ugly or hideous that one’s flesh turns sour (i.e. to become pickled by frightening to death).

18. Why點解, how點樣, how do you know, 點知 (short for 點樣知道), how do you say點講 (short for 點樣講).

19. Same as 鑽 to piece or drill into.

20. See note #16.