There, her image was clear in my mind, still the same as it
was eons ago. Why she came to me in a
dream, I do not know. All I wanted to
ask of her now was of her family, her background, her likes, her dislikes, and
her hopes. She was just a servant girl,
older by a few years than this teenage boy of 15 or so. Thus her name or rather her title was
"Older Sister Plum Blossom".
Of course "sister" was just a civility; a mere deference
accorded to her in acknowledging that she came into this world earlier than my
siblings and I.
It was not that I am the young master and she, of a lower
status; but someone, a companion or perhaps even a friend. All I cared about was how we interacted. Her background, her station and her past
meant nothing to me. A friend to chat
with after school. How I wish I could
have gone back in time, armed with today's technology of a digital camera and a
laptop to record my life both in pictures and in videos.
In my dream, I asked of her family. She replied without hesitation. Her father was a no good bum who barely kept
debtors away from their doorstep. More
questions asked; more answers given. Now
in my awakened state, I remember them not.
The crux of this dream is that I told her that I had never been a real
friend to her since I had never asked of her personal background as a friend
should. She replied with a thank
you. I could not help myself but to quip
that this meant I wasn't a friend at all then.
She just smiled and said something to the effect, "never too
late". As she continued on with her
maternal side of her family, this dream ended abruptly, the same way she came
to me so suddenly. All the exact words
and details have turned into a distant fuzziness. However, the nostalgia, the meaning and the
warmth remain.
Of course, things were never easy. The very, VERY much older female servant was
jealous of our coziness. I was too
innocent and naive. Now, I can see her
fear that this upstart might one day become her superior, her mistress. How silly of the grownups! If they only knew what my inclinations were. I think my mother had tried to have a talk
with me filled with innuendoes and subtle warnings. Of course, this "talk" resolved to make
our bonds even stronger as we faced someone not from our age group, an
adversary arising from jealousy. So many
misunderstandings and so many suspicions.
However, everyone's fears were allayed when they saw I had other
interests to pursue - my hobbies, my schoolwork, my male school friends that were
beginning to occupy most of my spare time.
One day, we were told that she was leaving us since the children were
getting older and no longer need supervision.
I could not go back to sleep. I was thinking. After all these years, never once had I
dreamt of her or thought of her. Why did
she come into my dream now? Was this meeting, an occasion for her last words of
goodbye before stepping into the world yonder? I know that this is but a dream. Strange is the mind seeking closure to
address lingering wishes unfulfilled.
As I am recording this, I wonder where had she been all
these years after leaving the service of my family. In my dream, I should have asked, "Did
you get married? If so, you should by
now have become a grandmother. Did you
have a good life?"
Time, a cruel master, taking one-by-one away and insidiously
replacing clear memories of yore with haziness; repackaging a sleek version of
charm and nostalgia.
Wednesday, February 04, 2015, 5:13am - 6:20am